Sanctity of Life and other things...

It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted. There is not too much to report as far as progress. Dawn is still diligently working on completing our HS typing "The Jeff & Karen show". We are still waiting to hear from our agency if they are ready to accept more families into their waiting program. In the meantime we continue to pursue other options, researching other agencies and gathering as much info as possible. I'm going to be completely honest here because this is my blog and my therapy :) I think we are more confused as ever and I find myself wishing I could take a glimpse into the future to see how this plays out. How long do we wait to see if this agency will allow us to be on their waiting list, do we try to get on other agency waiting lists, and if so, with which one? Don't get me wrong, we do completely know and trust that God has everything under control. BUT, being the control freak that I am it is so very hard for me to simply WAIT. I need progress. Jeff continues to remind me that so many times progress can not be seen. I don't pray for patience. We pray for guidance. We pray for endurance. We pray for peace. We pray for affirmations. We pray for confirmations. We have to be cautious with the route we choose because we don't have unlimited funds.

We contacted the Children's Home Society requesting info on their domestic newborn program. Their response was "We don't place children with families who already have children in the home" Hmm, go figure.

We recently celebrated Sanctity of Life Sunday at church. There are many ways to go about it and this year our Preacher discussed abortion. My heart breaks for the millions of babies that will never be. For the millions of women who didn't know there was another way. For the millions of woman who subjected themselves to filthy, disgusting, secret abortion clinics because they were too ashamed of their "condition". Thank you to all the women who chose LIFE. Thank you to all the women who endured stares, ridicule, and shame from their families. You are amazing, courageous, and brave women.

Thank you to my friends who surrounded me at the altar after service. I saw your tears falling next to mine. I felt your hands on my back and heard your prayers whispered. I love and adore you all.

Waiting to Wait

We finished our 4th home visit this past Tuesday. It went really well. I was not all that nervous, just anxious for it to get here. The last visit!!! It seemed as though we had been working toward that very moment when the last home study would be complete. Dawn (our amazing caseworker) arrived exactly on time as usual and we welcomed her in to our home. This meeting was to include Amber and Dawn did a great job of including her right from the beginning. She took a quick tour of the house making sure to compliment Amber on her room. :) I loved showing her the baby room. We then settled in the living room. We laughed and joked and listened as Amber answered her questions. Perfectly, I might add. Dawn asked her what she thought about adoption, what she thought about being a big sister, things we do as a family, activities she enjoys, etc. One of my fave questions was "What happens when you get in trouble?" Ams said "Well, I don't get in trouble as much as I used too" ha ha Which is true. This year has been a great one, much better than 2nd grade. Dawn asked us a few last questions and that was it. In an hour and 1/2 we were finished. I should have been thrilled. And in a way I was. But I also felt sad. The last few months have been spent gathering every piece of paper imaginable, writing essays and filling out questionnaires. Selling T-shirts, baking cheesecakes and peanut butter balls, and working towards a goal. Now, we pretty much wait. Wait to hear that the agency has approved our home study. Wait to hear that the agency can accept us as a waiting family. Wait to be put on a waiting list. Wait to be chosen by a birth mom. Wait to find our where this journey will lead us.

Things could also go in a direction away from the agency. Our family physician, my ob/gyn, our family, friends, church, or blog readers could contact us at any time and know of someone who was considering adoption for their unborn child. Been researching local adoption lawyers just in case....

I pray for our case worker, the ones who will approve our home study, our agency, and for guidance on this journey.

Have I mentioned lately that I adore my husband? I am completely and totally in love with him. For the father he is with Amber, to the husband he is to me, to the friend he is to others. I adore him and I absolutely would not want to be doing this with any one else on the face of the earth. God knew what he was doing when he made our match 5 years ago. I am so thankful.

Frequently asked questions :)

Here are a few questions regarding our adoption that we get regularly, so I thought I would post a FAQ list for anyone who is also wondering about the same things....

1. Where are you in the process? We have finished 3 of the 4 home study visits with the 4th one being completed this week. Once the HS is complete and written up by our caseworker and approved then we will be paper ready and legal to adopt in NC for 18 months.

2. How long do you have to wait? We have no idea! ha ha, this is totally a GOD thing. Waiting is hard sometimes but we have to remain patient and faithful that God's timing is perfect. The statistics with the agency show that their waiting families are usually placed with their babies withing 9-12months. Not bad at all. However, it could be allot less or longer.

3. Can you adopt without going through the agency? Yes, we will be paper legal for 18 months and with the help of an adoption attorney we can finalize an adoption without going through the agency. This means that our doctor, friend, family, neighbor, coworker, etc can call us at any time if they know of someone who is interested in making an adoption plan for their unborn child.

4. How does the agency match you? Once we become one of their waiting families we make a profile that will be on their website and also a physical book of our lives that they will be able to share with the birthmom. She will then choose to meet us. :) We are not notified every time our book will be shown.

5. How much does it cost? This is a good one! Usually followed by "Why does it cost so much?" Our adoption through the agency will cost around $22,000. Yes, we realize that is a ton of money. But our God is awesome and since he has led us to this adoption decision, we know there will be a way. Since we started raising funds in October with our Thanksgiving and Christmas sale and designing and selling T-shirts, we have raised over $3,000!!! We were able to fully pay for our home study and have over a $1k left in the adoption fund for when the next check will be mailed.

Application $200 - complete
Home Study $1800 - complete
Once we become an official "waiting family" - $5,000
Remaining due at placement with agency -around $15,000

Yep, that leaves us with roughly $20k more to raise, save, and borrow. Once our HS if final we can apply for grants from private organizations so hopefully that will help.

6. Do you know what you are going to get? The Baby that God has planned for us. A baby with amazing baby feet, sweet cheeks, and simply irresistible! :) ha ha We are not gender specific, we would be thrilled with boy or girl! Amber wants a girl but she thinks it will be a boy. Jeff and I both think it is going to be a girl. And TWINS would be fantastic!!!

7. Can the birth mom change her mind? Yes, she can. She can sign papers at the hospital and still change her mind. In NC she has 7 days to change her mind, that is her right. And if you and I were in her position we would want that 7 days also. We have decided that the baby will come home with us for those 7 days (the other option is foster care) and in the event she changes her mind at least we were blessed with those days. YES, this would be heartbreaking, yes we will be devastated. But we will have to rely on God and know that for some reason that was not supposed to be our baby. Oh but there will be some major praying for those 7 days while we are home with baby waiting for the time to be up. Then, it is the biggest party, baby shower, celebration that you have ever seen!! But while I type that, I already feel a sense of sadness for the birth mom. What will be the greatest time for us will be the hardest for her. She and her family will be in our prayers as well.

8. Will the child know that they were adopted? Absolutely! Gone are the days of secret adoptions and dark hidden secrets. Baby Clayton will definitely know where he/she comes from, that their birth mom loved him/her very much and that God chose Baby Clayton to be our baby.

9. Why are you adopting? I guess this should have been #1 on the list. We are adopting for several reasons. After many years of fertility treatment, tests, medicines, and one heartbreaking month after another we came to a pass in the road. We grieved for the fact that the possibility of having biological children together is very slim. But we also knew that we wanted to grow our family. God literally put adoption in our faces and on our heart. Every magazine we picked up contained an article, our fave radio station started doing an adoption advertisement, TV channels were airing shows on adoption! We knew then how we were supposed to grow our family.

Well, I guess that it is for now. If you have a question that is not on the list, please feel free to ask :) We love talking about this process!