Lots of exciting things have happened since our last blog post. After our first phone conversation, we received the first set of ultrasounds pics which were from 6w5d and 11w2d. Really neat to look at but they were so early it was difficult to see anything other than a baby blob. :) A week after our phone conversation we received a call from the agency letting us know that all was well, and that our birth mom wanted to give us her email address if we wanted it. Um, yeah, of course we want it! I didn't want to see too eager so I did wait one day before I sent the first email. The first email was simple, "Hope you are doing well", "Thanks for sharing your email address", "Praying for you" things like that. I expected her to write back. What I didn't expect was to receive daily emails, sharing our hopes, dreams, family traditions, humor, concerns, building a beautiful relationship. This is absolutely way better than I ever could have imagined. We have shared tons of pictures. She sends us pictures of her parents, brothers, pets, and fave vacation spots. We sent her the same and recent pics from Thanksgiving. Next week she has another ultrasound and will be emailing the sonogram! We also received the 18w sonogram and Caleb is beautiful!! Can't wait to see him in March! She has invited us to visit her and her husband before Caleb is born......so...... in six weeks Jeff and I will board a plane San Antonio bound!! So very excited! They said they want to show us everything SA has to offer! TexMex food, the Riverwalk, even the hospital where the big day will occur! She is in great spirits and has the most awesome attitude. An attitude of thankfulness which is something I was not expecting. She repeatedly tells me that she is so thankful that God chose her and her situation to bless our family. Honored is the word she uses. I can't even describe the love, respect, admiration we have for her. She signs her letters Love, D & Caleb. She reads our emails to him and tells him about us. She says she can't wait for us to feel him kicking! I let her lead when it comes to baby conversation, we want things to be at her comfort level. She is very open to sharing anything. We are both amazed at how many things we have in common!! It is such a God thing! Oh, and they asked if we would go to church with them while we are there! Isn't that awesome?? I am probably going to be an emotional wreck! I can't imagine getting the opportunity to worship with them! So so thankful! So, I think now is a good time to post some of the questions we have been asked lately:
1. Is this too good to be true? No, this is not too good to be true. This special woman, special child, special relationship was orchestrated a long time ago, which is why we waited. We waited for them. It is exactly as it should be. We both have had the most peace since we have been matched. I wish I could share all of the emails so that everyone could hear her heart.
2. What happens now? Now, we soak up every email, every phone call, every skype, every minute that we have together. She does request that after Caleb is born we have a closed adoption, which means we will no longer have any contact. We respect her decision and we have told her that the door will always be open if she chooses to contact us in the future. As much as I am looking forward to holding my son, I am already so sad at the thought of not having contact with her. My heart needs to know how she is doing. She feels this is the best situation for her healing. She is probably right. Please pray for this situation.
3. What's the deal with the birth father? Last week we learned the agency did finally make contact with him after he has not returned their calls and emails. He is due into the office in the next couple of weeks. The agency does not feel there is anything to worry about. In TX, the father can sign termination of rights paperwork before the baby is born. If he does sign, then we will be able to obtain his medical info, if he doesn't sign and he doesn't contest the adoption, then it's still no problem, we just won't get much info about him. Please pray for this situation also. It would be ideal if he would sign as early as possible. One interesting thing is that the agency can not tell him the due date, hospital, gender of baby, or anything of that nature. They also have to inform him that he is listed as a "probable father" since there has been no dna. We are still at peace about this situation but would appreciate your prayers.
4. Do you get to be there when Caleb is born? We have sort of covered this, but not entirely. We are letting her lead on this of course. She has already stated she hopes we can be there when he is born and she really hopes her doctor will induce her so we will have a date (Love her planning spirit!!). Just not sure how involved we will be. We want to be there for her in whatever role she needs us to fill.
5. So what will this baby look like? I have no idea! haha I wish I could see him right now!!! He will be a beautiful mix of races and probably have dark eyes and hair. I hope he's chubby!! haha She said she thinks he is going to be a big baby, so I may be right about the chubbiness. :) Her father is tall at 6'4, so maybe Caleb will get some height also. Who knows??? Who cares?? We pray for health health health! Everything else will just be bonus! :)
Anyway, we are loving life and preparing our home for his arrival! So much to be thankful for!! Feel free to ask any questions that you may have! Thank you for praying!
Love,
Jeff & Karen
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Love at first phone call.
Nearly 6 years ago I heard Jeff's voice for the first time on the phone. We had never met in person, but as cliche' as it sounds, he had me at "hello". I loved that southern accent!
Well today we had our first scheduled phone call with our birth mom, and it was love. And admiration. And thankfulness. And amazement at God's miracles. And an incomprehensible amount of respect and courage. Simply put, it was phenomenal.
The call was to take place at 4pm. I was off work today but Jeff had to work, an hour away, so I drove to his work because we didn't want him to miss a thing!
The agency called right at 4pm (our time) and let us know that _____________ and her husband ______ were both in the room and she was going to put us on speaker phone. The social worker had said that they were nervous, well I was nervous enough for everyone! But once we started talking the nervousness melted away. I felt like I was talking to someone I had known for years. The four of us spoke openly and honestly about our hopes and dreams, adoption misconceptions, and miracles. We are completely blown away.
They said they are so very thankful that God is allowing them to be a part of the miracle in our lives! We are the thankful ones!! But they went on. They loved our profile book, loved the silly pictures that I was worried would deter someone from choosing us. Oh they are strong, so very strong. And very confident in their decision. She asked if we had a name chosen, we told her and they loved it. In fact, they have a nephew with the same name. They were also amazed by the amount of things that we have in common.
She has a very good support system and she said her friends wanted to have a baby celebration instead of a baby shower and she asked if we would be ok with receiving gift cards for the baby. Seriously? This situation is more than we could have ever imagined. My God is so huge and so powerful and his plans for us are way better than I could have ever planned or dreamed!
She said Baby Clayton is healthy, kicking up a storm, and does not like for her to sleep on her left side. She will be sending me the 5 month ultrasound soon, oh my goodness, how awesome will that be????
They kept saying they were so thankful that this baby was going to be a blessing. They said they couldn't imagine how hard it has been throughout the years with so many failed fertility treatments. They were caring, and compassionate, and sincere, and I was without words.
She is requesting the adoption be a closed adoption after he is born. She feels at this time that would be best for her. We told her we completely respect her decision but we would be open to communicating if she ever changes her mind.
We talked of the things that she wants him to know. She asked us for one thing. She does not want to be resented. She wants him to know that she loved him, that she will pray for him everyday, and that he was chosen. She has written him a letter which we are to give him as a young adult which will explain his beginning.
We are so thankful they wanted to speak to us. And thankful they want to talk again, next time via Skype! I have no idea what I did to deserve such blessings.
Please continue to pray for all parties involved.
Well today we had our first scheduled phone call with our birth mom, and it was love. And admiration. And thankfulness. And amazement at God's miracles. And an incomprehensible amount of respect and courage. Simply put, it was phenomenal.
The call was to take place at 4pm. I was off work today but Jeff had to work, an hour away, so I drove to his work because we didn't want him to miss a thing!
The agency called right at 4pm (our time) and let us know that _____________ and her husband ______ were both in the room and she was going to put us on speaker phone. The social worker had said that they were nervous, well I was nervous enough for everyone! But once we started talking the nervousness melted away. I felt like I was talking to someone I had known for years. The four of us spoke openly and honestly about our hopes and dreams, adoption misconceptions, and miracles. We are completely blown away.
They said they are so very thankful that God is allowing them to be a part of the miracle in our lives! We are the thankful ones!! But they went on. They loved our profile book, loved the silly pictures that I was worried would deter someone from choosing us. Oh they are strong, so very strong. And very confident in their decision. She asked if we had a name chosen, we told her and they loved it. In fact, they have a nephew with the same name. They were also amazed by the amount of things that we have in common.
She has a very good support system and she said her friends wanted to have a baby celebration instead of a baby shower and she asked if we would be ok with receiving gift cards for the baby. Seriously? This situation is more than we could have ever imagined. My God is so huge and so powerful and his plans for us are way better than I could have ever planned or dreamed!
She said Baby Clayton is healthy, kicking up a storm, and does not like for her to sleep on her left side. She will be sending me the 5 month ultrasound soon, oh my goodness, how awesome will that be????
They kept saying they were so thankful that this baby was going to be a blessing. They said they couldn't imagine how hard it has been throughout the years with so many failed fertility treatments. They were caring, and compassionate, and sincere, and I was without words.
She is requesting the adoption be a closed adoption after he is born. She feels at this time that would be best for her. We told her we completely respect her decision but we would be open to communicating if she ever changes her mind.
We talked of the things that she wants him to know. She asked us for one thing. She does not want to be resented. She wants him to know that she loved him, that she will pray for him everyday, and that he was chosen. She has written him a letter which we are to give him as a young adult which will explain his beginning.
We are so thankful they wanted to speak to us. And thankful they want to talk again, next time via Skype! I have no idea what I did to deserve such blessings.
Please continue to pray for all parties involved.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Adoption Facts, Myths and the desire to change perception one reader at a time.....
This post also comes with a warning. :) After you read this I hope you will be educated on proper terms, adoption language, and common misconceptions. Here's where the warning comes in. You will no longer have an excuse of "not knowing or not understanding" after you say something hurtful. AND you will now have the responsibility of straightening out anyone that comes to you with negative comments or uninformed questions. Are you up for the task? Then keep reading. (Really Really hope you keep reading)
Yes, we have been asked some interesting questions lately. And I'm sure my family and friends have been asked as well, probably more often than we have. There are so many misconceptions about our adoption and adoption in general. Believe me, we had questions in the beginning too, foolish uneducated questions that I am embarrassed to think about now. If you want an answer to something that is not listed below, please let me know so I can add it! We hope to change adoption perceptions one reader at a time.
1. Fiction: Baby Clayton's birth parents are "giving him up", "giving him away".
FACT: They are making a very unselfish, educated, careful, LOVING, difficult decision to place him for adoption into a 2 parent Christian home. A home that can fulfill all of the dreams they have for him.
2. Fiction: They are giving him up because they don't love him.
FACT: Refer to fact #1 and add the following. They deeply, desperately, without a doubt love him. Or they would not be choosing adoption, they would have terminated the pregnancy.
3. Fiction: "I just don't know how someone could do that, I could never do that"......
FACT: You have absolutely no idea what you are capable of until you are ever in that situation.
4. Fiction: The birth family can come back years later and take the baby back.
FACT: This is false. The birth mom cannot sign her relinquishment papers until 48 hours after the baby is born, at that point things are final.
I also know that people are wondering if our birth mom will change her mind. It is her right to change her mind. Is it a possibility? Sure it is. It is a possibility that we could lose our jobs tomorrow. It is possible that we are killed in auto accidents tomorrow. It is possible that we could get stricken with some horrible disease tomorrow. There are so many things that are entirely possible. But, we choose to focus on the present, and not on the possibility that she could change her mind. Can you please be positive with us?
Most people are surprised to know that our birth mom is 26 years old, has a good job, insurance, comes from a 2 parent family, has a college degree, and it beautiful. This surprise comes from people's misconceptions of birth mothers. They are not all teenagers. They are not all strung out on drugs or alcoholics. They are not all single unemployed women who have no idea who the father is. Statistically birth mothers are between the ages of 22 and 30, many are in college or have already obtained their degree, many are simply not prepared to parent at that point in their lives. So they choose something better for their baby because they love them. Dearly.
We are already fiercely protective over our birth mother and our future son. Their are some details you won't read on this blog. You won't read her name. You won' know all of the details of his story. Because it is his story. We have to remember that one day he will grow up and he will need to hear information directly from us when appropriate. Those of you that we are close with and we can trust know many more details.
With all this being said please do not take this to mean that we are not approachable. I would love to talk to you about adoption, I want to encourage others in domestic adoption and perhaps encourage families to pursue adoption. Thank you so much for reading! And please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy and comfort and confidence in her decision. XOXO
Yes, we have been asked some interesting questions lately. And I'm sure my family and friends have been asked as well, probably more often than we have. There are so many misconceptions about our adoption and adoption in general. Believe me, we had questions in the beginning too, foolish uneducated questions that I am embarrassed to think about now. If you want an answer to something that is not listed below, please let me know so I can add it! We hope to change adoption perceptions one reader at a time.
1. Fiction: Baby Clayton's birth parents are "giving him up", "giving him away".
FACT: They are making a very unselfish, educated, careful, LOVING, difficult decision to place him for adoption into a 2 parent Christian home. A home that can fulfill all of the dreams they have for him.
2. Fiction: They are giving him up because they don't love him.
FACT: Refer to fact #1 and add the following. They deeply, desperately, without a doubt love him. Or they would not be choosing adoption, they would have terminated the pregnancy.
3. Fiction: "I just don't know how someone could do that, I could never do that"......
FACT: You have absolutely no idea what you are capable of until you are ever in that situation.
4. Fiction: The birth family can come back years later and take the baby back.
FACT: This is false. The birth mom cannot sign her relinquishment papers until 48 hours after the baby is born, at that point things are final.
I also know that people are wondering if our birth mom will change her mind. It is her right to change her mind. Is it a possibility? Sure it is. It is a possibility that we could lose our jobs tomorrow. It is possible that we are killed in auto accidents tomorrow. It is possible that we could get stricken with some horrible disease tomorrow. There are so many things that are entirely possible. But, we choose to focus on the present, and not on the possibility that she could change her mind. Can you please be positive with us?
Most people are surprised to know that our birth mom is 26 years old, has a good job, insurance, comes from a 2 parent family, has a college degree, and it beautiful. This surprise comes from people's misconceptions of birth mothers. They are not all teenagers. They are not all strung out on drugs or alcoholics. They are not all single unemployed women who have no idea who the father is. Statistically birth mothers are between the ages of 22 and 30, many are in college or have already obtained their degree, many are simply not prepared to parent at that point in their lives. So they choose something better for their baby because they love them. Dearly.
We are already fiercely protective over our birth mother and our future son. Their are some details you won't read on this blog. You won't read her name. You won' know all of the details of his story. Because it is his story. We have to remember that one day he will grow up and he will need to hear information directly from us when appropriate. Those of you that we are close with and we can trust know many more details.
With all this being said please do not take this to mean that we are not approachable. I would love to talk to you about adoption, I want to encourage others in domestic adoption and perhaps encourage families to pursue adoption. Thank you so much for reading! And please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy and comfort and confidence in her decision. XOXO
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
A very long catch up post!
Yep, this post should include a warning also - this is another very long one! But there is so much to tell so bear with me!
On Friday October 28th I came home on my 11am lunch hour to find a perfect little package tucked between the two front doors. I carefully brought it inside, and tried to call Jeff on the phone. (He had taken the day off for a celebratory hunt in the woods) :) The night before I asked him to please not open the package without me if he was the one to receive it first. BUT, I did not ask him if I could open it without him! EEK! I knew what the package contained, but I needed to see it, as soon as possible. I stared at it, running my fingers across the pull tab that was calling my name. Please pick up the phone!!! Finally with 15 minutes of my lunch to spare he called. "Open it" he said as though it was silly me to have waited. haha So I grabbed that pull tab and ripped it open! And inside....
I found a letter: "Congratulations, _____________ has chosen you to be the parents of her baby! YES! It was our official letter! The package also included all of the medical records since the first doctors appointment to confirm pregnancy and about 10 sheets of detailed info on our precious birth mom, in her own handwriting. This included info on her parents, grandparents, hobby's, childhood memories, etc. She also spoke openly about her reasons for placing this child for adoption and her future goals. She wrote things that she would want her baby to know in the future. These are things we hold very near and dear to our hearts and respectfully we will not be sharing them on this blog. Bu we will tell you that we both have the most amazing peace. Her confidence in herself radiates. Her love for the Lord is so evident. Her LOVE for this child is beautiful. She is beautiful. The last 2 pages were her widespread smiling face. A frontal view and a side view (insert smile with little baby belly). It was several minutes before I could stop looking at her face long enough to look at the rest of the picture. She has the kindest hazel eyes and the most natural, genuine smile. Like someone we know, like someone we could easily know.
The agency gives adoptive parents 5 days to review the information and make an informed decision. We didn't need 5 days. We knew. There were so many things that we have in common with our BM (birth mom) that we know without a doubt it is a "God thing" And what a beautiful chapter in our journey.
On Monday, October 31st we received a call from the agency at 3:09pm. __________ had had an ultrasound that morning, all are healthy, and we were told she is carrying a BOY! A son, we will have a son. I called Jeff and asked him if he wanted me to tell him over the phone and he didn't want me to wait, so I shared. Honestly, I know allot of men desire to have a son, but Jeff loves his daughter so much, I knew he would truly be happy no matter what. All that being said, he is thrilled! :)
That night Jeff told Amber she was having a baby brother! She hasn't stopped talking about her baby brother! Joy. Simple Joy.
So now I will try to answer some of the most popular questions we have been asked and probably a few that people are scared to ask!
1. "What happens now?" Well, now we wait. haha This waiting is different already because we have such peace. Sometime during the next week ________ will be working with her social worker to determine how she would like to communicate with us. This could be done via email, cell phone, text, or even to meet in person. Or, she could choose not to communicate with us. We really pray that she will like to get to know us more and give us the chance to know her more. I want to memorize as much as possible.
2. "It's so long until March!" Actually, it's not that long. It gives us time to really prepare now that we have a date and know it's a boy. And, it hasn't been as long as it has been. Every day is one day closer.
3. "Can she change her mind?" Yes. Yes she can. That is her right. She can not sign termination papers until 2 days after baby boy is born. It is a possibility, but we choose to not focus on this possibility. And if you are thinking this, please don't say it out loud. Please and thank you. :) Please just pray for her continued confidence and peace in her decision.
4. "Names?" Yes, there is a name. I think we are pretty set on it. Just not ready to share with the entire world yet.
5. "How can I help?" Pray Pray Pray. If you feel led to donate to help with our large expenses you can order one of our homemade cheesecakes for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Or buy one of our few T-shirts we have left. We covet your prayers and will be eternally grateful to all of those friends and family that have felt led to help us bring our baby home. We have been good stewards of your resources and we are so thankful.
This is probably long enough for now. Thanks for reading!
Love ya - Karen & Jeff
On Friday October 28th I came home on my 11am lunch hour to find a perfect little package tucked between the two front doors. I carefully brought it inside, and tried to call Jeff on the phone. (He had taken the day off for a celebratory hunt in the woods) :) The night before I asked him to please not open the package without me if he was the one to receive it first. BUT, I did not ask him if I could open it without him! EEK! I knew what the package contained, but I needed to see it, as soon as possible. I stared at it, running my fingers across the pull tab that was calling my name. Please pick up the phone!!! Finally with 15 minutes of my lunch to spare he called. "Open it" he said as though it was silly me to have waited. haha So I grabbed that pull tab and ripped it open! And inside....
I found a letter: "Congratulations, _____________ has chosen you to be the parents of her baby! YES! It was our official letter! The package also included all of the medical records since the first doctors appointment to confirm pregnancy and about 10 sheets of detailed info on our precious birth mom, in her own handwriting. This included info on her parents, grandparents, hobby's, childhood memories, etc. She also spoke openly about her reasons for placing this child for adoption and her future goals. She wrote things that she would want her baby to know in the future. These are things we hold very near and dear to our hearts and respectfully we will not be sharing them on this blog. Bu we will tell you that we both have the most amazing peace. Her confidence in herself radiates. Her love for the Lord is so evident. Her LOVE for this child is beautiful. She is beautiful. The last 2 pages were her widespread smiling face. A frontal view and a side view (insert smile with little baby belly). It was several minutes before I could stop looking at her face long enough to look at the rest of the picture. She has the kindest hazel eyes and the most natural, genuine smile. Like someone we know, like someone we could easily know.
The agency gives adoptive parents 5 days to review the information and make an informed decision. We didn't need 5 days. We knew. There were so many things that we have in common with our BM (birth mom) that we know without a doubt it is a "God thing" And what a beautiful chapter in our journey.
On Monday, October 31st we received a call from the agency at 3:09pm. __________ had had an ultrasound that morning, all are healthy, and we were told she is carrying a BOY! A son, we will have a son. I called Jeff and asked him if he wanted me to tell him over the phone and he didn't want me to wait, so I shared. Honestly, I know allot of men desire to have a son, but Jeff loves his daughter so much, I knew he would truly be happy no matter what. All that being said, he is thrilled! :)
That night Jeff told Amber she was having a baby brother! She hasn't stopped talking about her baby brother! Joy. Simple Joy.
So now I will try to answer some of the most popular questions we have been asked and probably a few that people are scared to ask!
1. "What happens now?" Well, now we wait. haha This waiting is different already because we have such peace. Sometime during the next week ________ will be working with her social worker to determine how she would like to communicate with us. This could be done via email, cell phone, text, or even to meet in person. Or, she could choose not to communicate with us. We really pray that she will like to get to know us more and give us the chance to know her more. I want to memorize as much as possible.
2. "It's so long until March!" Actually, it's not that long. It gives us time to really prepare now that we have a date and know it's a boy. And, it hasn't been as long as it has been. Every day is one day closer.
3. "Can she change her mind?" Yes. Yes she can. That is her right. She can not sign termination papers until 2 days after baby boy is born. It is a possibility, but we choose to not focus on this possibility. And if you are thinking this, please don't say it out loud. Please and thank you. :) Please just pray for her continued confidence and peace in her decision.
4. "Names?" Yes, there is a name. I think we are pretty set on it. Just not ready to share with the entire world yet.
5. "How can I help?" Pray Pray Pray. If you feel led to donate to help with our large expenses you can order one of our homemade cheesecakes for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Or buy one of our few T-shirts we have left. We covet your prayers and will be eternally grateful to all of those friends and family that have felt led to help us bring our baby home. We have been good stewards of your resources and we are so thankful.
This is probably long enough for now. Thanks for reading!
Love ya - Karen & Jeff
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