This post also comes with a warning. :) After you read this I hope you will be educated on proper terms, adoption language, and common misconceptions. Here's where the warning comes in. You will no longer have an excuse of "not knowing or not understanding" after you say something hurtful. AND you will now have the responsibility of straightening out anyone that comes to you with negative comments or uninformed questions. Are you up for the task? Then keep reading. (Really Really hope you keep reading)
Yes, we have been asked some interesting questions lately. And I'm sure my family and friends have been asked as well, probably more often than we have. There are so many misconceptions about our adoption and adoption in general. Believe me, we had questions in the beginning too, foolish uneducated questions that I am embarrassed to think about now. If you want an answer to something that is not listed below, please let me know so I can add it! We hope to change adoption perceptions one reader at a time.
1. Fiction: Baby Clayton's birth parents are "giving him up", "giving him away".
FACT: They are making a very unselfish, educated, careful, LOVING, difficult decision to place him for adoption into a 2 parent Christian home. A home that can fulfill all of the dreams they have for him.
2. Fiction: They are giving him up because they don't love him.
FACT: Refer to fact #1 and add the following. They deeply, desperately, without a doubt love him. Or they would not be choosing adoption, they would have terminated the pregnancy.
3. Fiction: "I just don't know how someone could do that, I could never do that"......
FACT: You have absolutely no idea what you are capable of until you are ever in that situation.
4. Fiction: The birth family can come back years later and take the baby back.
FACT: This is false. The birth mom cannot sign her relinquishment papers until 48 hours after the baby is born, at that point things are final.
I also know that people are wondering if our birth mom will change her mind. It is her right to change her mind. Is it a possibility? Sure it is. It is a possibility that we could lose our jobs tomorrow. It is possible that we are killed in auto accidents tomorrow. It is possible that we could get stricken with some horrible disease tomorrow. There are so many things that are entirely possible. But, we choose to focus on the present, and not on the possibility that she could change her mind. Can you please be positive with us?
Most people are surprised to know that our birth mom is 26 years old, has a good job, insurance, comes from a 2 parent family, has a college degree, and it beautiful. This surprise comes from people's misconceptions of birth mothers. They are not all teenagers. They are not all strung out on drugs or alcoholics. They are not all single unemployed women who have no idea who the father is. Statistically birth mothers are between the ages of 22 and 30, many are in college or have already obtained their degree, many are simply not prepared to parent at that point in their lives. So they choose something better for their baby because they love them. Dearly.
We are already fiercely protective over our birth mother and our future son. Their are some details you won't read on this blog. You won't read her name. You won' know all of the details of his story. Because it is his story. We have to remember that one day he will grow up and he will need to hear information directly from us when appropriate. Those of you that we are close with and we can trust know many more details.
With all this being said please do not take this to mean that we are not approachable. I would love to talk to you about adoption, I want to encourage others in domestic adoption and perhaps encourage families to pursue adoption. Thank you so much for reading! And please continue to pray for a healthy pregnancy and comfort and confidence in her decision. XOXO
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