I've got a feeling...

It has been a couple of weeks since we last updated. Although it seems to have flown by! We had a very successful Valentine's adoption fundraiser. Vesta and I dipped strawberries, pineapple, apples, oranges, blueberries, pretzels, and graham crackers in chocolate, and boy was this popular! We had over 50 doz orders!! Here is a pic:

We spent the last week gathering the necessary documents for the new agency in TX. Amazingly enough for us they are willing to take copies of all our docs that we had already obtained for the NC agency. Birth certificates, marriage licences, medical records and physicals for the 3 of us, reference letters, etc, they will take them all! This has saved us much time!! We forwarded them a link to our birth parent letter and photo album for their review before we actually ordered the book, and they LOVED it! Whew, what a relief! So we forwarded all docs, the original photo album that we ordered from shutterfly, 4 color copies, and now...we wait. But it is a different kind of waiting than even a couple of months ago. A couple of months ago we did not even know that this agency existed and we were putting all our eggs in one basket so to speak. We were working on our home study and waiting to get on a waiting list for NC. We were optimistic but were starting to get wary of the process only because there seemed to be no progress. But now, things are coming together in such a way that we can't help but feel encouraged and see how God is working. Soon, we will officially be paper pregnant, or parents in waiting. Soon we will be advertised to birth families facing a huge decision. And we pray that soon, we will be receiving a call that will change our lives. In the meantime we are working on a few things....

1. Preparing to paint the mural in baby room - Noah's Ark
2. Painting big sister Amber's Room - her choice of colors
3. Making a huge calling tree of sorts to most efficiently get the word out when we receive the 1st call and when we receive a call that our birth mom is in labor. Although, we could only get one call, that our birth mom is in labor! WOW! That would be intense!
4. Making a travel list - not the obvious things but those that we would not normally think of - car seat/with base, stroller (grateful we have these 2 things already), hoping to borrow a GPS from someone so we can navigate our way around the 6th largest city in the country
5. Researching hotels, rental cars, and flights in San Antonio, TX
6. Packing a diaper bag

What else are we missing?? What else should I be working on if I were actually going to give birth?

Jeff and I both have a "feeling" that things are going to start moving even faster. Things have really been going so well that I know this would be a great opportunity for Satan to jump in and attempt to steal my thunder, but our God has this totally under control!! And we are choosing to be optimistic!

Thank you for your continued prayers, encouragement, generosity, and simply your interest in our story. We love and appreciate every one of you. Love - J & K

A mind and spirit revival! Things are unfolding!

I want to stand at the top of the tallest mountain and scream at the top of my lungs.

WOW! Things are unfolding in an awesome way, filled with little affirmations that some will no doubt say are purely coincidentally. I wholeheartedly, without a doubt, know that God has heard our prayers. He knew that we (okay, mainly me) needed a "sign", something to occur to let me know we are on the right path. I re-read my last post, and it makes me sad. And excited to see how things have changed in just a few days. OK, you can exhale now, we have not been matched yet, but....and a very serious but..... we are so much closer than we were before. And the amount of peace that surrounds the new developments is tremendous. Let me begin....

As you all know we have been waiting to wait for months with the NC agency. In October we were told there were so many waiting families that it they were not able to take any more at this time, but hopefully by spring. Well, we decided (after the braxton hix situation) that we would proceed anyway and hire the agency to independently handle our home study. So glad we did! Our amazing social worker Dawn is incredible. Caring, generous with her time, flexible, and so much more. She has been excited for us since the start and it has been a real pleasure to work with her. We completed 3 HS visits in December, and the last one in January. Dawn has been busy finishing for approval. During this time we have become more and more disenchanted with our current agency. When we asked if we would be able to attend the required meeting that is ONLY held in April and September, we were told that they were not sure yet. Zero communication. That bothers me. So the disenchantment continued to build which led us to start second guessing the path. Not the path of adoption as a whole, just the path to the end result. We started looking at other agencies. Others had great advertising and wonderful appealing aspects with promises of more communication, quicker results, etc. But we still had no real peace about any of them. By the end of last week, I was ready to ban myself from the Internet. I felt really down. This is probably a good place to plug my awesome husband. He is amazing. He is a tough and strong but a soft place to land. He keeps me hopeful. He doesn't show his excitement and enthusiasm the way that I do. But I see what most people don't. The glances in the baby room, the talks about baby names, him declaring "I just want the little person here already!" I love him.

Anyway.... we decided not to pursue one particular agency that we had been discussing for several days. The very same day we spoke with a couple that we have known inadvertently for awhile. They began to tell us their adoption story. They had also been through the battle of infertility. They said they could not tell us what to do what they suggested we look into their agency...in Texas! My first question, is why Texas? Several reasons really. First, the agency in Texas only deals with families that have documented infertility. Second, the laws in TX are much different in NC. In NC, the birth mom can terminate her rights after birth, but has 7 days to change her name. In TX, she can terminate her rights at 48hrs, and there is NO 7 day waiting to see if she will change her mind. HUGE!

Agency facts that I learned from the director today:

Work with only about 15 or so families at a time.
Average wait time is 6 months, could be shorter, could be longer
Place about 60-65 babies per year.

Large majority of babies are Hispanic due to the population. These babies are often hard to place. When the director told me that today, I promptly said "We'll take two!"

The women are tested for every disease known to man, taken to prenatal appointments and counseled weekly. Communication between us and agency would be very frequent.

WHEN we get matched we will also receive a profile on the birth mom to make sure we won't to proceed. This is great! When it is time for delivery Jeff and I will fly to San Antonio and will probably have to wait a few days, possibly a week for the interstate compact between TX and NC. During that time we can explore the city and enjoy every minute of our new baby. I pray we are able to spend time with baby's first mom.

So, I can't wait to tell you about the ways God is working, even in the smallest ways!! When I emailed Dawn to tell her about our intentions of looking into TX, I included the whole story about the couple who told us about the agency in the first place. Her reply was great! Not only does she know them, she helped facilitate some of their paperwork so that they could come home by Easter in 2008! How awesome is that??! She also got the stipulations from TX that need to be included and incorporated them into my HS now, instead of having to get an update later. BONUS!

Then, I discovered that an old friend/co-worker of mine now lives in San Antonio!! Another BONUS!! She is already excited about planning some things for us, what a huge relief it is to know that we have at least one friend in the city!

Then, while talking to my friend at work about hoping that the hotel has Internet because I want to be able to check flights, send pics, etc, (we don't have Internet on our phones), she easily said "Oh, well that's easy, I have an old laptop you can have!!" Seriously!!!

Then, my dear friend Kristyn, who is going to be a fantastic Thirty-one consultant asked me to host a party, which of course I would. Then she said a % will go to our adoption fund. How amazing!!

We can't explain the peace we have. The excitement we have. The love we already have for our birth mom and baby. The awe in how God works. We choose to be optimistic.

The finances will work out, the agency is exactly the amount that I can withdraw from my 401K. Praise the lord.

Now, we can focus on raising funds for the attorney fees ($2k), potential birth mom expenses (in case she doesn't have insurance,etc), and travel expenses. (Flight,hotel, car) But we have some fundraisers in mind, but more important than that, is that GOD always provides a way!

I know this post is all jumbled, sorry about that.

So, occasionally we allow ourselves to envision traveling home, stepping off the airport, and seeing so many of our family and friends who have come to welcome us home. I only allow myself a few seconds of picturing this. But one day, maybe one day soon, our homecoming day will be a reality and not just a dream.

Sanctity of Life and other things...

It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted. There is not too much to report as far as progress. Dawn is still diligently working on completing our HS typing "The Jeff & Karen show". We are still waiting to hear from our agency if they are ready to accept more families into their waiting program. In the meantime we continue to pursue other options, researching other agencies and gathering as much info as possible. I'm going to be completely honest here because this is my blog and my therapy :) I think we are more confused as ever and I find myself wishing I could take a glimpse into the future to see how this plays out. How long do we wait to see if this agency will allow us to be on their waiting list, do we try to get on other agency waiting lists, and if so, with which one? Don't get me wrong, we do completely know and trust that God has everything under control. BUT, being the control freak that I am it is so very hard for me to simply WAIT. I need progress. Jeff continues to remind me that so many times progress can not be seen. I don't pray for patience. We pray for guidance. We pray for endurance. We pray for peace. We pray for affirmations. We pray for confirmations. We have to be cautious with the route we choose because we don't have unlimited funds.

We contacted the Children's Home Society requesting info on their domestic newborn program. Their response was "We don't place children with families who already have children in the home" Hmm, go figure.

We recently celebrated Sanctity of Life Sunday at church. There are many ways to go about it and this year our Preacher discussed abortion. My heart breaks for the millions of babies that will never be. For the millions of women who didn't know there was another way. For the millions of woman who subjected themselves to filthy, disgusting, secret abortion clinics because they were too ashamed of their "condition". Thank you to all the women who chose LIFE. Thank you to all the women who endured stares, ridicule, and shame from their families. You are amazing, courageous, and brave women.

Thank you to my friends who surrounded me at the altar after service. I saw your tears falling next to mine. I felt your hands on my back and heard your prayers whispered. I love and adore you all.

Waiting to Wait

We finished our 4th home visit this past Tuesday. It went really well. I was not all that nervous, just anxious for it to get here. The last visit!!! It seemed as though we had been working toward that very moment when the last home study would be complete. Dawn (our amazing caseworker) arrived exactly on time as usual and we welcomed her in to our home. This meeting was to include Amber and Dawn did a great job of including her right from the beginning. She took a quick tour of the house making sure to compliment Amber on her room. :) I loved showing her the baby room. We then settled in the living room. We laughed and joked and listened as Amber answered her questions. Perfectly, I might add. Dawn asked her what she thought about adoption, what she thought about being a big sister, things we do as a family, activities she enjoys, etc. One of my fave questions was "What happens when you get in trouble?" Ams said "Well, I don't get in trouble as much as I used too" ha ha Which is true. This year has been a great one, much better than 2nd grade. Dawn asked us a few last questions and that was it. In an hour and 1/2 we were finished. I should have been thrilled. And in a way I was. But I also felt sad. The last few months have been spent gathering every piece of paper imaginable, writing essays and filling out questionnaires. Selling T-shirts, baking cheesecakes and peanut butter balls, and working towards a goal. Now, we pretty much wait. Wait to hear that the agency has approved our home study. Wait to hear that the agency can accept us as a waiting family. Wait to be put on a waiting list. Wait to be chosen by a birth mom. Wait to find our where this journey will lead us.

Things could also go in a direction away from the agency. Our family physician, my ob/gyn, our family, friends, church, or blog readers could contact us at any time and know of someone who was considering adoption for their unborn child. Been researching local adoption lawyers just in case....

I pray for our case worker, the ones who will approve our home study, our agency, and for guidance on this journey.

Have I mentioned lately that I adore my husband? I am completely and totally in love with him. For the father he is with Amber, to the husband he is to me, to the friend he is to others. I adore him and I absolutely would not want to be doing this with any one else on the face of the earth. God knew what he was doing when he made our match 5 years ago. I am so thankful.

Frequently asked questions :)

Here are a few questions regarding our adoption that we get regularly, so I thought I would post a FAQ list for anyone who is also wondering about the same things....

1. Where are you in the process? We have finished 3 of the 4 home study visits with the 4th one being completed this week. Once the HS is complete and written up by our caseworker and approved then we will be paper ready and legal to adopt in NC for 18 months.

2. How long do you have to wait? We have no idea! ha ha, this is totally a GOD thing. Waiting is hard sometimes but we have to remain patient and faithful that God's timing is perfect. The statistics with the agency show that their waiting families are usually placed with their babies withing 9-12months. Not bad at all. However, it could be allot less or longer.

3. Can you adopt without going through the agency? Yes, we will be paper legal for 18 months and with the help of an adoption attorney we can finalize an adoption without going through the agency. This means that our doctor, friend, family, neighbor, coworker, etc can call us at any time if they know of someone who is interested in making an adoption plan for their unborn child.

4. How does the agency match you? Once we become one of their waiting families we make a profile that will be on their website and also a physical book of our lives that they will be able to share with the birthmom. She will then choose to meet us. :) We are not notified every time our book will be shown.

5. How much does it cost? This is a good one! Usually followed by "Why does it cost so much?" Our adoption through the agency will cost around $22,000. Yes, we realize that is a ton of money. But our God is awesome and since he has led us to this adoption decision, we know there will be a way. Since we started raising funds in October with our Thanksgiving and Christmas sale and designing and selling T-shirts, we have raised over $3,000!!! We were able to fully pay for our home study and have over a $1k left in the adoption fund for when the next check will be mailed.

Application $200 - complete
Home Study $1800 - complete
Once we become an official "waiting family" - $5,000
Remaining due at placement with agency -around $15,000

Yep, that leaves us with roughly $20k more to raise, save, and borrow. Once our HS if final we can apply for grants from private organizations so hopefully that will help.

6. Do you know what you are going to get? The Baby that God has planned for us. A baby with amazing baby feet, sweet cheeks, and simply irresistible! :) ha ha We are not gender specific, we would be thrilled with boy or girl! Amber wants a girl but she thinks it will be a boy. Jeff and I both think it is going to be a girl. And TWINS would be fantastic!!!

7. Can the birth mom change her mind? Yes, she can. She can sign papers at the hospital and still change her mind. In NC she has 7 days to change her mind, that is her right. And if you and I were in her position we would want that 7 days also. We have decided that the baby will come home with us for those 7 days (the other option is foster care) and in the event she changes her mind at least we were blessed with those days. YES, this would be heartbreaking, yes we will be devastated. But we will have to rely on God and know that for some reason that was not supposed to be our baby. Oh but there will be some major praying for those 7 days while we are home with baby waiting for the time to be up. Then, it is the biggest party, baby shower, celebration that you have ever seen!! But while I type that, I already feel a sense of sadness for the birth mom. What will be the greatest time for us will be the hardest for her. She and her family will be in our prayers as well.

8. Will the child know that they were adopted? Absolutely! Gone are the days of secret adoptions and dark hidden secrets. Baby Clayton will definitely know where he/she comes from, that their birth mom loved him/her very much and that God chose Baby Clayton to be our baby.

9. Why are you adopting? I guess this should have been #1 on the list. We are adopting for several reasons. After many years of fertility treatment, tests, medicines, and one heartbreaking month after another we came to a pass in the road. We grieved for the fact that the possibility of having biological children together is very slim. But we also knew that we wanted to grow our family. God literally put adoption in our faces and on our heart. Every magazine we picked up contained an article, our fave radio station started doing an adoption advertisement, TV channels were airing shows on adoption! We knew then how we were supposed to grow our family.

Well, I guess that it is for now. If you have a question that is not on the list, please feel free to ask :) We love talking about this process!

What blessings will the New Year bring?

Another year is almost over! Hard to believe - all the planning and preparing for Christmas and then in a whirlwind it is over. The last 6 weeks have really been a blur! Vesta and I successfully made and delivered 65 cheesecakes and over 150 doz peanut butter balls!! When I casually mentioned to her a couple of months ago that maybe we could try a bake sale for raise money for our adoption, she said "Sure". I don't think either of us anticipated how it would grow!!!! We had a great time and were able to spend some quality time together in the process. We will be forever indebted to her. Also, I appreciate the help from Mom and Laura who gave up their time to roll peanut butter balls by the dozen! We delivered the last cake on Christmas Eve.

In the midst of all the baking Jeff and I completed 3 homestudy meetings!! They went really well, were actually a lot of fun, and I was sad when the time was up. The first 3 meetings occur in a neutral place, not in our home. We met in the nursery of our church, how fitting! :) We absolutely adore our social worker. We laugh allot, we (her and I) get a little teary eyed at times, and Jeff and I both feel very comfortable talking with her. She is a God fearing woman of strong Christian faith and has closed all of our meetings in prayer. What a blessing she is. The first meeting was both Jeff and I and we were asked about our reasons for adopting and just basic questions to get to know us. (She has our 3in file also) The 2nd meeting was just with Jeff and the 3rd was just with me. We were asked the same questions: How did you meet, what attracted you to each other, our strength's and weaknesses, childhood memories, about our parents and siblings, significant life experiences, our first marriages and why they ended in divorce, and a few others that have already slipped my mind. It's the "Jeff and Karen Show" as she calls it. Ha Ha. We have one more meeting to be held probably during the first week of January which will be at our house and include Jeff, Amber, and myself. She will take a tour of the house, ask us a few more questions, and then we will be complete!!! She will have about a 15 page summary of us and once everything is approved we will be "Paper Pregnant" and legally be able to adopt independently or with the agency in NC for 18 months!! Also, once our homestudy is approved we will be able to apply for grants to assist in our adoption expenses!

A dear friend let us borrow a bassinet and infant car seat so we do not have to buy one until after the baby is here. And another friend Lora, will be starting the sketches on the baby room mural soon. Can't hardly wait!! Mom found my old baby blanket that my Grandma Mae Kellum made for me when I was born. It definitely has some wear and tear but with a little TLC I think it will be beautiful again. It is 32 years old after all!!

We couldn't help but think that maybe Christmas 2010 would be our last without Baby Clayton. We anticipate great things for 2011! We hope and pray that each of our family and friends will have a safe and prosperous year!

Love & God Bless - Jeff & Karen

How great is our God...

How great is our God... I love that song. Brings a smile to my face. You know what else brings a smile to my face? The fact that my family and friends purchased 30 cheesecakes from our bake sale!! Each and every one of you are so fantastic!

We completed our home study paperwork (which was several inches thick!) and mailed to the agency. They confirmed receipt on November 19th!!! YIPPEE What a huge relief to have that finished and physically out of our hands. The agency then mailed/emailed requests to our references. We had to mail a check for $1800 so that our home study interviews can be completed. Well, I am so humbled to say that we sold enough T-shirts and enough cheesecakes that we were able to mail that check and have $12 leftover in the baby fund. How great is our God? When we started selling T-shirts in October, I had no idea that we would be so blessed. I guess I should have known. Yesterday we were matched with a caseworker from the agency, and we will be having our home interviews very soon. We can't wait! We are very excited about this part! Once our HS is complete, we are considered "Paper Pregnant"! Isn't that the funniest saying? I was thinking about this term and I started to make a humorous list of the pros and cons of adoption...

Pros:

No morning sickness
No labor pains
No swollen everything
No possible surgery
No possible Episiotomy (This always terrified me!)
Will feel great when baby comes home!
I still get maternity leave from work!

Cons:

I don't have a valid excuse for mood swings
No valid excuse for weird eating habits
No valid excuse for midnight ice cream runs
I can not eat for 2 and it be justified
No valid excuse to get out of moving heavy items

Hope this made you ladies smile! We are continuing our fund raising with another round of goodies! Only potentially $18k more to go (depends on if we are matched through the agency or have an independent situation). Once our home study is compete we will legally be able to adopt for 18 months in NC. Please continue to pray for the Mom out there that is facing a decision that will change all of our lives. Please continue to pray for the workers at the agency, they work tirelessly for their passion of placing children in Christian homes. Please continue to pray that God's will be done throughout this process.

We love you all!!

Jeff & Karen