Hey everyone from Texas! Yes, we are still here, waiting for word from the agency that we can fly out, but still enjoying every moment that we are here!
So what have we been up to the last few days?
On Friday, we made a special visit to our sweet D. We still had a couple of little things to give her, and I just needed to hug her! We all had been through so much and so much had changed since the last time we had seen each other just 8 weeks ago. As soon as we walked through the door and set lil man's car seat on the floor, D. was on the floor helping him to escape into her arms. That was such a sweet moment. She nuzzled him close to her and loved on him. She and her husband are genuinely happy for us and so thankful for this miracle. Loved spending sweet time with her. We both never regret the times we were matched and spent getting to know each other. We both are looking forward to seeing each other again when we return in 6mo for finalization. Please continue to pray for her and baby as her delivery could be very soon.
Saturday afternoon we checked out of the hotel and "moved" in with our amazing friends Briana & Noel and 6mo old son Hunter. We stayed with them back in January for our first visit to TX and they so graciously invited us to stay with them again when we returned. Even though our return was last minute, they still opened their doors wide open and have shared in our joy! They have been so very helpful since they adopted their son from the same agency and especially since they are only 6mo from the newborn phase. Briana was right there as I gave Caleb his first bath, she had a wonderful photo shoot with lil man (can't wait to share), suggested the swing (which he LOVES), and has just been so wonderful!! We have taken turns cooking dinner this week and have thoroughly enjoyed spending time together. Noel is on vacation this week and Jeff has really enjoyed helping him restore an old Jeep. It's definitely helped pass the time while we are here.
On Monday, baby boy had his first well baby check up, and believe it or not it was a little difficult to find a pediatrician that would take a new patient for a one time visit. We kinda found a way around it, and was very pleased with our visit. The pediatrician was awesome and she just raved about baby. She said he was perfect, and was just the sweetest thing, even when he peed on her pretty dress. She's probably used to that though. Caleb had gained 5oz since birth, and I'm pretty sure it has all gone to his cheeks! He's getting quite the little jowls now. So good for kissing!!
He is still consistently eating a little over 2oz every 2.5-3hours, sleeping most of the time in between, although his periods of alertness are getting closer together and lasting longer. Such a sweet little bug. He was pretty fussy last night and just couldn't get right. We suspected it was because he was having a little problem going potty over the last 2 days, but THANKFULLY that seems to have worked itself out, and he is back to being chill lil man.
We have had the pleasure of skyping with several of our family members - both sets of grandparents, Amber the big sister, Uncle Kevin & Aunt Laura, and lots of cousins. It has been truly awesome to see everyone oooohh and awww over Caleb. I'm pretty sure Caleb likes all the attention too. :) Hopefully soon he will get to meet everyone in person!
We have spoken with the agency regularly and they are very hopeful they will soon receive the word from Austin that our interstate compact is complete and we are approved to leave the state!!!! Oh Happy Day! Then it's on to airport homecoming, a moment I have played over and over in my mind.
Ok, so this post is long, so I will close for now. I promise next post will cover what we know about Caleb's birth family.
In the mean time, is there anything you are just curious to ask?
Can't wait to see everyone!! Thank you so much for the prayers, encouragement, and sharing in our excitement! We are so very blessed!
Love - K.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
March 8th - Day 2
Thursday morning we woke up early, neither of us sleeping very well the night before. We were anxious to get to our son, and find out if we would be discharged that day.
We were told the day before that our physicals had expired (because we were on the list for awhile) and that we would need to have new ones completed before we could take placement. Thankfully, the agency called several clinics and found one that accepted walk ins. So we quickly got dressed found the clinic and after about an hour and $120 later, we had to updated physicals. When I say physical there really was nothing to it but about 10 questions, "are you on drugs" "do you have a history of mental illness" etc. But anyway, we were updated, headed to the agency, and one step closer to Caleb.
When we got to the agency we were greeted at the door by the Director, and the two social workers that we had been working with on this short case. They were all very excited and thankful for the miracle that had taken place. We then went to a small conference room and proceeded to go over all of the birth mother and birth father information (we had received via email on the way to the airport so we knew some things), and then we started signing! And signing, and signing, and more signing. And it was W O N D E R F U L
I should also note that on Day One we were very excited, but I had not cried yet, probably because it was such a whirlwind. But in the office, it started building. I held it in because I knew that if I opened the valve, there would be no stopping the flood. And there simply wasn't time for that yet! After we finished signing, we took a few pics with our social worker (yes, I will post once I find the member card reader), and then we were off to the hospital!!!!!!!
We arrived at the hospital as quickly as we could (I am convinced that every single thing in SA is 30 minutes apart) and we walked in with the diaper bag, car seat and stroller, hoping we would be able to bring him home soon.
We made our way to the nursery and little boy was waiting for us wide awake! I finally got to see those beautiful dark pools for eyes! I could stare into them for days. And then it happened. The nurse said we could hold him. And I lost it. When I snuggled him close to me and whispered sweet promises in his ear I thought my heart would burst. But at the same time I felt complete. This was the moment, the culmination of a lifelong dream, a decade of dreaming of holding my baby, and nearly 18 months of adoption process. As my heart was bursting with joy and thankfulness it was also being rebuilt. All of the nasty seeds of disappointment, failure, and frustration fled from my body as I held on to 7lb7oz of redemption. God is so very good. So so good. And Caleb Alexander will know of his goodness and grace, he will know that his heavenly father loved him so much that he gave him a birth mommy that would make the most difficult decision to place him with us. We were able to hold him for quite a while and even feed him. He is such a good eater, he sucks down 2oz like it's nothing, and usually takes just a bit more. And he burps as soon as he sits up, such a good good baby! The nurse said they all enjoyed taking care of him cause he was so easy! I'm a lucky girl!
After a bit they needed to take him for his little boy surgery, :( He took it like a champ though, cried for a minute, but then calmed right down. Such a big strong boy!
After his procedure they needed to monitor him for a couple of hours to make sure he urinated and all was ok. Well, that two hours turned into nearly 5 hours cause of shift change and no discharges are done during that time. So we took that time to head to the nearest Walmart and stock up on the same kind of formula and diapers they were using. Finally, at 8pm we could head back to the hospital and an hour later we were being discharged! The hospital has a policy that all new moms, regardless of whether I birthed the child or not, I had to ride in a wheel chair holding Caleb to the front door where Jeff was waiting with the car! Haha Jeff thought that was the funniest thing and of course had to take pictures. I felt a bit foolish, but oh well! So we loaded into the car and headed to the hotel. I think we both said several times "Is this happening??" "Is this really happening?" "Are they really letting us take him home??" I bet all new parents feel the same way.
He did great riding in his car seat. At this point he is such a good baby, so calm, and honestly doesn't even cry that much, only when it's meal time and we aren't fast enough for his liking!
A few friends have asked me about his race. Caleb is a beautiful mix of Caucasian and Hispanic. S. is blonde hair, blue eyed, and E. is full Hispanic. Caleb has a perfect shaped head, compliments of only being in labor TEN MINUTES!!! Well, this pretty much sums up Day 2. Next post I will share some of what we know about the birth parents and an update on what happens now.
Until then, thank you so much for your prayers, encouragement, love, excitement, and friendship! Caleb is very excited to meet his family and friends!
PS - I knew that I was madly in love with my husband and that he is an amazing father to Amber, but I had no idea how wonderful he would be with our newborn. We make a perfect team, he jumps right in there with diapers, feeding, etc. and thankfully he handles the cord cleaning, cause I get a little queasy about that. Give me poop, spit up, or pee, but leave the umbilical cord cleaning to Jeff!
We were told the day before that our physicals had expired (because we were on the list for awhile) and that we would need to have new ones completed before we could take placement. Thankfully, the agency called several clinics and found one that accepted walk ins. So we quickly got dressed found the clinic and after about an hour and $120 later, we had to updated physicals. When I say physical there really was nothing to it but about 10 questions, "are you on drugs" "do you have a history of mental illness" etc. But anyway, we were updated, headed to the agency, and one step closer to Caleb.
When we got to the agency we were greeted at the door by the Director, and the two social workers that we had been working with on this short case. They were all very excited and thankful for the miracle that had taken place. We then went to a small conference room and proceeded to go over all of the birth mother and birth father information (we had received via email on the way to the airport so we knew some things), and then we started signing! And signing, and signing, and more signing. And it was W O N D E R F U L
I should also note that on Day One we were very excited, but I had not cried yet, probably because it was such a whirlwind. But in the office, it started building. I held it in because I knew that if I opened the valve, there would be no stopping the flood. And there simply wasn't time for that yet! After we finished signing, we took a few pics with our social worker (yes, I will post once I find the member card reader), and then we were off to the hospital!!!!!!!
We arrived at the hospital as quickly as we could (I am convinced that every single thing in SA is 30 minutes apart) and we walked in with the diaper bag, car seat and stroller, hoping we would be able to bring him home soon.
We made our way to the nursery and little boy was waiting for us wide awake! I finally got to see those beautiful dark pools for eyes! I could stare into them for days. And then it happened. The nurse said we could hold him. And I lost it. When I snuggled him close to me and whispered sweet promises in his ear I thought my heart would burst. But at the same time I felt complete. This was the moment, the culmination of a lifelong dream, a decade of dreaming of holding my baby, and nearly 18 months of adoption process. As my heart was bursting with joy and thankfulness it was also being rebuilt. All of the nasty seeds of disappointment, failure, and frustration fled from my body as I held on to 7lb7oz of redemption. God is so very good. So so good. And Caleb Alexander will know of his goodness and grace, he will know that his heavenly father loved him so much that he gave him a birth mommy that would make the most difficult decision to place him with us. We were able to hold him for quite a while and even feed him. He is such a good eater, he sucks down 2oz like it's nothing, and usually takes just a bit more. And he burps as soon as he sits up, such a good good baby! The nurse said they all enjoyed taking care of him cause he was so easy! I'm a lucky girl!
After a bit they needed to take him for his little boy surgery, :( He took it like a champ though, cried for a minute, but then calmed right down. Such a big strong boy!
After his procedure they needed to monitor him for a couple of hours to make sure he urinated and all was ok. Well, that two hours turned into nearly 5 hours cause of shift change and no discharges are done during that time. So we took that time to head to the nearest Walmart and stock up on the same kind of formula and diapers they were using. Finally, at 8pm we could head back to the hospital and an hour later we were being discharged! The hospital has a policy that all new moms, regardless of whether I birthed the child or not, I had to ride in a wheel chair holding Caleb to the front door where Jeff was waiting with the car! Haha Jeff thought that was the funniest thing and of course had to take pictures. I felt a bit foolish, but oh well! So we loaded into the car and headed to the hotel. I think we both said several times "Is this happening??" "Is this really happening?" "Are they really letting us take him home??" I bet all new parents feel the same way.
He did great riding in his car seat. At this point he is such a good baby, so calm, and honestly doesn't even cry that much, only when it's meal time and we aren't fast enough for his liking!
A few friends have asked me about his race. Caleb is a beautiful mix of Caucasian and Hispanic. S. is blonde hair, blue eyed, and E. is full Hispanic. Caleb has a perfect shaped head, compliments of only being in labor TEN MINUTES!!! Well, this pretty much sums up Day 2. Next post I will share some of what we know about the birth parents and an update on what happens now.
Until then, thank you so much for your prayers, encouragement, love, excitement, and friendship! Caleb is very excited to meet his family and friends!
PS - I knew that I was madly in love with my husband and that he is an amazing father to Amber, but I had no idea how wonderful he would be with our newborn. We make a perfect team, he jumps right in there with diapers, feeding, etc. and thankfully he handles the cord cleaning, cause I get a little queasy about that. Give me poop, spit up, or pee, but leave the umbilical cord cleaning to Jeff!
Day One
Hi from Texas!!!! I can't wait to share a great story with you! I'm sorry in advance if it is jumbled, my brain is going in a million different directions! LOL But I want to try to remember everything!!
Yesterday was a very exciting, emotional, rushed, shocking, amazing kinda day. But I need to share a little back story first.
As you know, we were matched with our sweet D. in October and formed an incredible friendship over the next four months. Her induction date was to be March 7th, at 37 weeks and we were to be there. You also know, that the birth father showed out of nowhere and rocked our little world of plans on Valentine's Day. It has been a really really tough time for all parties involved, and D. still needs your prayers. She has not yet given birth to the precious baby inside of her and so many logistics have not been ironed out yet, so peace is sometimes hard to hold on to. But she is so strong and so faithful. It is so hard to know what God's plans are. But God knows, and I trust He will bring all parties through this. On a side note, we will definitely be seeing her while we are here and so looking forward to it!
After our match fell through, we pushed all the baby shower gifts and his packed suitcase inside the nursery and shut the door. Little did we know we would need those things only 3 weeks later! Last week, we told our social worker that we guessed we should go back on the list, still dreading a long time til another match, and also dreading waiting a long time for delivery, but we were willing to do whatever it took of course. Turns out, we didn't have to wait long at all for the miracle God had in store for us. On Monday March 4th, 2012 we receivd a phone call from the agency letting us know that a woman (S.) had given birth that morning to a baby boy and that she wanted to choose adoption for him. Our profile was one of the several that were taken to her to choose from. We couldn't believe it! At that point we had no idea that we would be chosen, but just the though that something like that could happen so fast had us very excited and amazed!! We had prayed for something to happen quickly, but we still had no idea........
We only told our parents and a couple of friends but our adoption in general was lifted up in prayer by so many people, most people only knowing that something was brewing on the adoption front but no specifics. S. did not choose a family that day, but we were told she would make her decision on Tuesday and that the birth father (E.) would be signing his papers on Tuesday as well. Tuesday came and went, possibly the longest day of my life. With no phone call!!! I knew that S. would be signing her papers on Wednesday morning and that baby would possibly be discharged that day as well. We had no idea if she had chosen a family or not. I finally caved and called the agency at 11am our time and was told that our social worker would call us right back. Um........ I had a meeting to attend so I sat in that meeting staring at my phone for the nearly 2 hours willing it to ring! But not really sure if I wanted it to ring because they could have said we were not chosen. The knot in my stomach was aching. Finally, my phone buzzed and I left the meeting and rushed to the hall.
Our TX social worker was on the phone and she sounded so calm and almost sad. She said it had been a busy couple of days, etc and finally she said, "I'll just cut to the chase, are ya'll ready?" AAAAGGHHHHHH She had really been dragging it out, building the suspense for what seemed like an eternity, but was really about 20 seconds. I found the nearest desk and starting taking notes, baby birth stats, the hosptial, etc. Finally, I said, I gotta get home, we gotta a plane to catch!" I called Jeff and told him it was game time! HAHA But Amber had come home early from school that day and since she didn't know any of this was happening, he had to cover his excitement, at least until I got home. Next I called my Mom who was in her classroom. I asked her how her day was going, if she was busy, etc. I then asked her if she could leave work and come help me pack cause we had a plane to catch!! hahaha I loved making that phone call! I wanted to talk to her more, but I had to rush down to the branch, clear my desk, lock my drawer, and run!
I finally made it home after what seemed like the longest drive from work (It's only 7 minutes) and walked in the door to find sick Amber laying on the couch. I asked how she was feeling and after she said "horrible" I said that I had something that would make her feel better...... I told her that we had been matched again and she was so excited. I told her it was a boy and she was ecstatic.....I told her that Jeff and I were flying out in about 2 hours and she didn't even know what to say! She didn't know whether to scream or cry or both! It was awesome!!
Then the scrambling began! Thankfully I had never unpacked the baby suitcase so that was pretty much set other than adding a few little things. Jeff packed his items while I called in a favor. My coworker/friend was a travel agent for years and offered to help us at any time if we needed help making travel arrangements. She saved us so much time, in 20 minutes she had our flight, hotel, and rental car booked with all the confirmations emailed to my phone. She is good!! And I will always be grateful for her help!
Mom made it to our house and quickly jumped in to help us get everything packed! 2 suitcases, 2 carryons, a stroller, carseat, and base were loaded in the car and away we went to catch the flight of a lifetime......
We made to the airport with not much time to spare, but the agents worked quickly and assured us we would make our flight. Mom and Amber were able to watch from the window as we boarded the plane and were still waving as we taxied down the runway. Even on such short notice we had 2 seats together and on the exit row which meant even more room. It was perfect!!
The transition from Charlotte to San Antonio was smooth once we picked up our luggage and rental car it was after 9pm already! Our social worker called and had received permission from the hospital to allow us to visit even though it was pretty late!! We couldn't wait!! Thank goodness for GPS, because we have been all over this huge city with no problem at all! We made it to the hospital, which is wonderful by the way, and quickly found the nursery. We told them who were were and after being ID'd a couple of times were ushed to our son.......
No words will ever be able to describe what I tought the first time I laid eyes on him. His perfect complexion, head full of silky dark hair, and long eyelashes. I think this is what Heaven would be like. That feeling of seeing your children for the first time, I wish I could capture it and relive it over and over and over. He was all wrapped up like a burrito and had just fallen asleep they said, so we didn't want to unwrap him, but I REALLY wanted to see those hands and feet!!! We only stayed about 20 minutes, kissed him goodnight with a promise to see him as quickly as we could the next day.
We then went to Briana & Noel's house, the precious friends who allowed us to stay about 8 weeks ago on our first trip. They were going to be out town for a few days so we are staying in a hotel until they get back, then we will move into their home for the duration of our stay. They are so hospitable, helpful, kind, encouraging, and I could go on and on. And since they adopted their son 6 months ago through the same agency, they have been a world of help! Anyway, we visited them for a few minutes and loaded the car down the lots of things they wanted to let us borrow for our hotel stay until they returned. We will always be so thankful for them!!
Finally, after a really long day, we hit up a drive thru after realizing I had not eaten that day, stumbled into our hotel room and passed out abour 1:30am. Only 12 hours before we had gotten THE CALL, hopped on a plane and had seen our son.
I can't even begin to express how amazed and in awe we are of all that has happened. We are so very thankful that God gave us the strength to continue, surrounded us with loving family and friends and orchestrated such a wonderful miracle.
So, that pretty much sums up day One.....lots more to share, lots of questions to answer, and many cute pics to post! Wait till you hear about day TWO!
Love - K.
Yesterday was a very exciting, emotional, rushed, shocking, amazing kinda day. But I need to share a little back story first.
As you know, we were matched with our sweet D. in October and formed an incredible friendship over the next four months. Her induction date was to be March 7th, at 37 weeks and we were to be there. You also know, that the birth father showed out of nowhere and rocked our little world of plans on Valentine's Day. It has been a really really tough time for all parties involved, and D. still needs your prayers. She has not yet given birth to the precious baby inside of her and so many logistics have not been ironed out yet, so peace is sometimes hard to hold on to. But she is so strong and so faithful. It is so hard to know what God's plans are. But God knows, and I trust He will bring all parties through this. On a side note, we will definitely be seeing her while we are here and so looking forward to it!
After our match fell through, we pushed all the baby shower gifts and his packed suitcase inside the nursery and shut the door. Little did we know we would need those things only 3 weeks later! Last week, we told our social worker that we guessed we should go back on the list, still dreading a long time til another match, and also dreading waiting a long time for delivery, but we were willing to do whatever it took of course. Turns out, we didn't have to wait long at all for the miracle God had in store for us. On Monday March 4th, 2012 we receivd a phone call from the agency letting us know that a woman (S.) had given birth that morning to a baby boy and that she wanted to choose adoption for him. Our profile was one of the several that were taken to her to choose from. We couldn't believe it! At that point we had no idea that we would be chosen, but just the though that something like that could happen so fast had us very excited and amazed!! We had prayed for something to happen quickly, but we still had no idea........
We only told our parents and a couple of friends but our adoption in general was lifted up in prayer by so many people, most people only knowing that something was brewing on the adoption front but no specifics. S. did not choose a family that day, but we were told she would make her decision on Tuesday and that the birth father (E.) would be signing his papers on Tuesday as well. Tuesday came and went, possibly the longest day of my life. With no phone call!!! I knew that S. would be signing her papers on Wednesday morning and that baby would possibly be discharged that day as well. We had no idea if she had chosen a family or not. I finally caved and called the agency at 11am our time and was told that our social worker would call us right back. Um........ I had a meeting to attend so I sat in that meeting staring at my phone for the nearly 2 hours willing it to ring! But not really sure if I wanted it to ring because they could have said we were not chosen. The knot in my stomach was aching. Finally, my phone buzzed and I left the meeting and rushed to the hall.
Our TX social worker was on the phone and she sounded so calm and almost sad. She said it had been a busy couple of days, etc and finally she said, "I'll just cut to the chase, are ya'll ready?" AAAAGGHHHHHH She had really been dragging it out, building the suspense for what seemed like an eternity, but was really about 20 seconds. I found the nearest desk and starting taking notes, baby birth stats, the hosptial, etc. Finally, I said, I gotta get home, we gotta a plane to catch!" I called Jeff and told him it was game time! HAHA But Amber had come home early from school that day and since she didn't know any of this was happening, he had to cover his excitement, at least until I got home. Next I called my Mom who was in her classroom. I asked her how her day was going, if she was busy, etc. I then asked her if she could leave work and come help me pack cause we had a plane to catch!! hahaha I loved making that phone call! I wanted to talk to her more, but I had to rush down to the branch, clear my desk, lock my drawer, and run!
I finally made it home after what seemed like the longest drive from work (It's only 7 minutes) and walked in the door to find sick Amber laying on the couch. I asked how she was feeling and after she said "horrible" I said that I had something that would make her feel better...... I told her that we had been matched again and she was so excited. I told her it was a boy and she was ecstatic.....I told her that Jeff and I were flying out in about 2 hours and she didn't even know what to say! She didn't know whether to scream or cry or both! It was awesome!!
Then the scrambling began! Thankfully I had never unpacked the baby suitcase so that was pretty much set other than adding a few little things. Jeff packed his items while I called in a favor. My coworker/friend was a travel agent for years and offered to help us at any time if we needed help making travel arrangements. She saved us so much time, in 20 minutes she had our flight, hotel, and rental car booked with all the confirmations emailed to my phone. She is good!! And I will always be grateful for her help!
Mom made it to our house and quickly jumped in to help us get everything packed! 2 suitcases, 2 carryons, a stroller, carseat, and base were loaded in the car and away we went to catch the flight of a lifetime......
We made to the airport with not much time to spare, but the agents worked quickly and assured us we would make our flight. Mom and Amber were able to watch from the window as we boarded the plane and were still waving as we taxied down the runway. Even on such short notice we had 2 seats together and on the exit row which meant even more room. It was perfect!!
The transition from Charlotte to San Antonio was smooth once we picked up our luggage and rental car it was after 9pm already! Our social worker called and had received permission from the hospital to allow us to visit even though it was pretty late!! We couldn't wait!! Thank goodness for GPS, because we have been all over this huge city with no problem at all! We made it to the hospital, which is wonderful by the way, and quickly found the nursery. We told them who were were and after being ID'd a couple of times were ushed to our son.......
No words will ever be able to describe what I tought the first time I laid eyes on him. His perfect complexion, head full of silky dark hair, and long eyelashes. I think this is what Heaven would be like. That feeling of seeing your children for the first time, I wish I could capture it and relive it over and over and over. He was all wrapped up like a burrito and had just fallen asleep they said, so we didn't want to unwrap him, but I REALLY wanted to see those hands and feet!!! We only stayed about 20 minutes, kissed him goodnight with a promise to see him as quickly as we could the next day.
We then went to Briana & Noel's house, the precious friends who allowed us to stay about 8 weeks ago on our first trip. They were going to be out town for a few days so we are staying in a hotel until they get back, then we will move into their home for the duration of our stay. They are so hospitable, helpful, kind, encouraging, and I could go on and on. And since they adopted their son 6 months ago through the same agency, they have been a world of help! Anyway, we visited them for a few minutes and loaded the car down the lots of things they wanted to let us borrow for our hotel stay until they returned. We will always be so thankful for them!!
Finally, after a really long day, we hit up a drive thru after realizing I had not eaten that day, stumbled into our hotel room and passed out abour 1:30am. Only 12 hours before we had gotten THE CALL, hopped on a plane and had seen our son.
I can't even begin to express how amazed and in awe we are of all that has happened. We are so very thankful that God gave us the strength to continue, surrounded us with loving family and friends and orchestrated such a wonderful miracle.
So, that pretty much sums up day One.....lots more to share, lots of questions to answer, and many cute pics to post! Wait till you hear about day TWO!
Love - K.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
What I learned today....
I went to church today, the first Sunday since our adoption was "disrupted". I have to be honest, I was dreading going to church. I have been really strong all week (except for day one which was pretty much a disaster) but being at church always has the potential to reduce me to tears. It's being in God's house with my other family. I also needed to pass out the thank-you cards for the gifts we received at our baby shower. I was also dreading that. There is no handbook for this, I have no idea what the protocol is. I have been kicking myself for not passing these cards out sooner. Why did I not pass them out a couple days after the shower????
Anyway, this is what I learned.....
I am so very thankful that we have such a good relationship with D. I wish I could fix all of this for her. She is hurting but is so strong at the same time! She was comfortable knowing that Caleb would have a great home and now that comfort is not there. I hurt for her. Please continue to lift her up in your prayers. Pray that she be comforted and at peace with her decisions. Pray that she considers her feelings and emotions and not worry as much about the feelings and emotions of others. Pray that she be surrounded by loving friends and family who will encourage her, and not question her. Pray that those that mean the most to her will be open minded, open hearted and able to deal with their own emotions. Pray for her health and the health of baby boy. Her due date may be extended, but who knows, maybe we need that extra time for a miracle!!!
Love - K.
Anyway, this is what I learned.....
- There is a whole older generation that does not have Facebook, therefore they did not know what had transpired. This led to several of the sweet older ladies that I adore approaching me smiling from ear to ear asking "How much longer?" "How many more days?". I watched their smiles fall as they watched my eyes fill up. I hated doing that.
- Apparently I am a crazy person for wondering or worrying how to return gifts, or if I should even ask if people wanted their gifts back. I was told more than once, that I should not even think that, and more so, even received 2 more gifts today! Sweet sweet ladies, they removed the gift cards from their envelopes while hiding the handwritten cards in their purses. They didn't want to upset me with their kind words. Love them.
- Amber is so strong! She had also written thank-you cards for the gifts that she received. She passed them out with a smile on her face and a thank you on her lips. Love her so much.
- There are many many many people who are praying for a miracle!!!! People praying specifically for the birth father to change his mind. For him to realize that raising him might not be in the best interest of Lil Man.
I am so very thankful that we have such a good relationship with D. I wish I could fix all of this for her. She is hurting but is so strong at the same time! She was comfortable knowing that Caleb would have a great home and now that comfort is not there. I hurt for her. Please continue to lift her up in your prayers. Pray that she be comforted and at peace with her decisions. Pray that she considers her feelings and emotions and not worry as much about the feelings and emotions of others. Pray that she be surrounded by loving friends and family who will encourage her, and not question her. Pray that those that mean the most to her will be open minded, open hearted and able to deal with their own emotions. Pray for her health and the health of baby boy. Her due date may be extended, but who knows, maybe we need that extra time for a miracle!!!
Love - K.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
If I could.....
If I could have the chance to speak to the birth father I would have allot of things to say. If I could ask him my questions perhaps I would understand better. If I could see his heart maybe this would be easier. If I could take a peek into the future maybe I would know that our baby would be ok. Here is what I would say if I could…..
Tell me how much you love this baby. Do you dream of holding him, kissing him, bathing him? We do. Do you wonder if he will sleep well at night or if he will continue his 2am gymnastics just as he does now while growing? We do. Do you already worry about his first shots, his first tummy ache, and his first fight at school? We do. Do you picture yourself loving him so much that it hurts? We do. Do you picture him, playing in the dirt and chasing his big sister with frogs and lizards? We do. Do you have a room for him prepared with furniture, clothes, diapers, bottles and stuffed toys waiting for him? We do. Do you have a huge multitude of friends and family that have prayed for him every single day since we knew of his existence? We do. Do you pray every single day for him? We all do.
When did a tiny apartment become better than a forever home on 16 acres? When did a single parent working night shift become better than 2 parents who have held steady same jobs forever? When did no support system become better than 2 sets of grandparents, a great grandparent, many many aunts, uncles, and cousins, many of who live on the same road? Do you worry about his soul? You have no church; you don’t even have a relationship with Christ. Who will raise this child to believe? Who will raise him to have a personal relationship with Christ? We would.
Will you tell him about his mother? We would. Will you tell him about her favorite shows, candy, love for scrapbooking, board games, chocolate? We would. Her fears, hopes, and dreams for him? Would you tell him about her love for him and about her fight for him to have a good life? We would.
I pray that you have an answer to all of these questions. I pray you will have an answer to all of his questions. I pray that you will love him with all of your heart, that you will comfort him and be everyone and everything for him. I pray that teachers and friends will come into his life and teach him about the love of his Heavenly Father. I will pray for him each and every day.
He deserves that.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
The heart of a nine year old
Have you ever broken the heart of a nine year old? I'm not talking the ache of being on restriction, or a spanking, or even a lost dog, although that last scenario was a pretty bad one. I'm talking the gut wrenching, rip your heart out of your chest and smash it kind of break. Yeah, it's bad.
Amber came home from school yesterday and bounded to the car, oblivious to what was behind curtain number one. She was so happy cause they had exchanged Valentines in class that day and came home with a bag full! I played it cool, we did homework, she read a book to me while we waited for Jeff.
This isn't something Jeff and I had rehearsed so we didn't know who would start. Amber started realizing something was up and I asked her to come sit with me. She stood in front of me and I put my hands on her arms. I asked her if she knew how much we loved her? If she knew how much we would fight the biggest giant for her? She nodded. I told her that people love Caleb just the same. And that his birth father was not ready to let him go. That he loved him so much that he wanted to raise him. And that although we are really sad and it was ok for her to be sad, that sometimes it's a good thing when children are able to stay with their bio parent. I asked her to please not be angry at God and I promised that we would not quit, that one day she would have a brother or sister. I promise.
Then came the tears.
and more tears.
and yet, even more tears.
Jeff took her outside and told her about the depths of a father's love. Or at least scratched the surface. How he would always fight for her. How he would kill someone for her. How he would die for her. It's what Dad's do, or at least what they are supposed to do.
I think this was a better approach that saying that the system failed, this sucks, this isn't right, how is he going to take care of this baby, etc. At least she now has a positive understanding of it.
I taught her how to play the silver lining game. She caught right on. She said "At least you don't have to get on a plane and get sea sick" (this made me smile). She also said that "At least someone gets to play with Caleb" And my fave one, "At least you still get to be friends with D." She gets it. She gets the big picture.
At prayer time she never asked for a thing. She said "Thank you heavenly Father for all of your many blessings. Thank you for our adoption process even the bad parts. Thank you for D and for Caleb. Please keep us safe. Amen". I love her huge heart.
She cried herself to sleep.
She cried while I washed her hair.
She cried when she dried off when she saw the perfect hooded towels and dinosaur wash clothes in the bathroom.
She wiped her face, got on the bus and probably cried some more.
It will be a long long day.
Amber came home from school yesterday and bounded to the car, oblivious to what was behind curtain number one. She was so happy cause they had exchanged Valentines in class that day and came home with a bag full! I played it cool, we did homework, she read a book to me while we waited for Jeff.
This isn't something Jeff and I had rehearsed so we didn't know who would start. Amber started realizing something was up and I asked her to come sit with me. She stood in front of me and I put my hands on her arms. I asked her if she knew how much we loved her? If she knew how much we would fight the biggest giant for her? She nodded. I told her that people love Caleb just the same. And that his birth father was not ready to let him go. That he loved him so much that he wanted to raise him. And that although we are really sad and it was ok for her to be sad, that sometimes it's a good thing when children are able to stay with their bio parent. I asked her to please not be angry at God and I promised that we would not quit, that one day she would have a brother or sister. I promise.
Then came the tears.
and more tears.
and yet, even more tears.
Jeff took her outside and told her about the depths of a father's love. Or at least scratched the surface. How he would always fight for her. How he would kill someone for her. How he would die for her. It's what Dad's do, or at least what they are supposed to do.
I think this was a better approach that saying that the system failed, this sucks, this isn't right, how is he going to take care of this baby, etc. At least she now has a positive understanding of it.
I taught her how to play the silver lining game. She caught right on. She said "At least you don't have to get on a plane and get sea sick" (this made me smile). She also said that "At least someone gets to play with Caleb" And my fave one, "At least you still get to be friends with D." She gets it. She gets the big picture.
At prayer time she never asked for a thing. She said "Thank you heavenly Father for all of your many blessings. Thank you for our adoption process even the bad parts. Thank you for D and for Caleb. Please keep us safe. Amen". I love her huge heart.
She cried herself to sleep.
She cried while I washed her hair.
She cried when she dried off when she saw the perfect hooded towels and dinosaur wash clothes in the bathroom.
She wiped her face, got on the bus and probably cried some more.
It will be a long long day.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
What a difference a phone call makes.
This will go down in history as the Worst Valentine's Day Ever.
Today my phone rang and I saw that it was our agency. When I answered the phone I was greeted by the agency director. Never a good sign. Almost as bad as when the nurse in the ER ushers your family into the family counseling room. Almost.
She was sad. She said that she was so sorry but that our adoption case was being disrupted. Disrupted...makes me think of a devilish student throwing paper in class. But what she meant and would go on to explain is that our adoption plan with D. is closed. Not by D.'s choice. But because the birth father has filed a suit in response to being served legal papers. Well, more exactly, his attorney has filed a suit in response to receiving the papers. He has filed for sole custody. He wants Caleb. He wants to raise him. He will win. The agency and the attorney advised that this is not a case we can win. They say this is a rarity. They said we had the perfect case, the most amazing relationship with our birthmom they had ever seen. I agree.
This hurts. Allot. They recommend that we take some time to work through our emotions and thoughts and then let them know when we are ready to be shown again. They say they will make us their top priority. I don't won't to be shown again. I won't to fly out of here in 19 days and hug our precious birth mom. I want to get mani/pedi's with her and share in the excitement of delivery. I want to do everything as planned. His bag is packed. All of his itsy bitsy tiny newborn clothes are washed and ready for him to wear. Wow, I'm just going to say it....this sucks.
After speaking with the attorney and the agency, my sweet sweet D. called me. We didn't say much the first few seconds, I don't think either of us knew what to say. I did really good at first. My head was already pounding from the meltdown a little bit earlier. We each relayed the information that we received from the agency & attorney. We spoke of the attorney letting us know that we would not win this case in court. That the birth father's transgressions were not great enough to automatically terminate rights. She is so strong. She said something I will never forget. She said that she is devastated for us. That she doesn't want anyone but us to have Caleb. Oh, how I love her. Her and her husband are now in an even more difficult decision. We all want what is the very best for Caleb. Does that mean he is supposed to be raised by his birth father? Morally, I would not ever want to take a child away from a biological parent truly honestly wants him. I don't know. Selfishly, I want him.
So, you have questions right?
Did I have any idea this was going to happen? No, not really. I was really anxious when he first showed up a couple of weeks ago. But not terrified cause he had blown off every appointment and attempt to contact him for 5 months. We didn't think he stood a chance even if he decided to fight. Single guy, working night shift, already has a kid he doesn't have custody of, been absent for months, a criminal record. But apparently all of that is not bad enough to terminate his rights. If he had never shown up or responded in any way then his rights could have been terminated at birth.
What will we do now? We will grieve. We will be angry. We will wait. Eventually, I don't know how long, we will be ready to be placed on the waiting family list again. The agency said they will make us a priority family. But we are not ready yet. And when we do get back on the list, we are gonna do some things different. We would like a case where the birth father is on board, where he has already terminated his rights. And still there is no guarantee that the birth mom would not change her mind. wow, this is hard.
What about D.? I will pray, daily for her. We agreed to continue contact, our story is not over. I will never ever regret being matched with her. Knowing her has changed my life. Forever. I will never regret falling head over heals in love with a beautiful baby boy that I will never hold.
I had faith that God would answer our prayers. We prayed for rain and we prepared for rain. We painted a nursery, we had a baby shower, because we were so confident in her decision. Turns out, it wasn't her decision we had to worry about.
Please hold back any negative comments. None of us need the "I was afraid of that..." "I thought it was too good to be true..." "I've heard of terrible things like blah blah blah" And do not even think of saying anything derogatory about D. As hard as this is on us, it is that much harder on her.
So for now, I am going to pull my little family tight around me. We will love on each other. We will attempt to answer each other's questions and try to find the joy in the morning. My little family of three.
Please pray for peace, answers, guidance, perseverance, safety for D. and Caleb and ultimately for God's will to be done.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Today my phone rang and I saw that it was our agency. When I answered the phone I was greeted by the agency director. Never a good sign. Almost as bad as when the nurse in the ER ushers your family into the family counseling room. Almost.
She was sad. She said that she was so sorry but that our adoption case was being disrupted. Disrupted...makes me think of a devilish student throwing paper in class. But what she meant and would go on to explain is that our adoption plan with D. is closed. Not by D.'s choice. But because the birth father has filed a suit in response to being served legal papers. Well, more exactly, his attorney has filed a suit in response to receiving the papers. He has filed for sole custody. He wants Caleb. He wants to raise him. He will win. The agency and the attorney advised that this is not a case we can win. They say this is a rarity. They said we had the perfect case, the most amazing relationship with our birthmom they had ever seen. I agree.
This hurts. Allot. They recommend that we take some time to work through our emotions and thoughts and then let them know when we are ready to be shown again. They say they will make us their top priority. I don't won't to be shown again. I won't to fly out of here in 19 days and hug our precious birth mom. I want to get mani/pedi's with her and share in the excitement of delivery. I want to do everything as planned. His bag is packed. All of his itsy bitsy tiny newborn clothes are washed and ready for him to wear. Wow, I'm just going to say it....this sucks.
After speaking with the attorney and the agency, my sweet sweet D. called me. We didn't say much the first few seconds, I don't think either of us knew what to say. I did really good at first. My head was already pounding from the meltdown a little bit earlier. We each relayed the information that we received from the agency & attorney. We spoke of the attorney letting us know that we would not win this case in court. That the birth father's transgressions were not great enough to automatically terminate rights. She is so strong. She said something I will never forget. She said that she is devastated for us. That she doesn't want anyone but us to have Caleb. Oh, how I love her. Her and her husband are now in an even more difficult decision. We all want what is the very best for Caleb. Does that mean he is supposed to be raised by his birth father? Morally, I would not ever want to take a child away from a biological parent truly honestly wants him. I don't know. Selfishly, I want him.
So, you have questions right?
Did I have any idea this was going to happen? No, not really. I was really anxious when he first showed up a couple of weeks ago. But not terrified cause he had blown off every appointment and attempt to contact him for 5 months. We didn't think he stood a chance even if he decided to fight. Single guy, working night shift, already has a kid he doesn't have custody of, been absent for months, a criminal record. But apparently all of that is not bad enough to terminate his rights. If he had never shown up or responded in any way then his rights could have been terminated at birth.
What will we do now? We will grieve. We will be angry. We will wait. Eventually, I don't know how long, we will be ready to be placed on the waiting family list again. The agency said they will make us a priority family. But we are not ready yet. And when we do get back on the list, we are gonna do some things different. We would like a case where the birth father is on board, where he has already terminated his rights. And still there is no guarantee that the birth mom would not change her mind. wow, this is hard.
What about D.? I will pray, daily for her. We agreed to continue contact, our story is not over. I will never ever regret being matched with her. Knowing her has changed my life. Forever. I will never regret falling head over heals in love with a beautiful baby boy that I will never hold.
I had faith that God would answer our prayers. We prayed for rain and we prepared for rain. We painted a nursery, we had a baby shower, because we were so confident in her decision. Turns out, it wasn't her decision we had to worry about.
Please hold back any negative comments. None of us need the "I was afraid of that..." "I thought it was too good to be true..." "I've heard of terrible things like blah blah blah" And do not even think of saying anything derogatory about D. As hard as this is on us, it is that much harder on her.
So for now, I am going to pull my little family tight around me. We will love on each other. We will attempt to answer each other's questions and try to find the joy in the morning. My little family of three.
Please pray for peace, answers, guidance, perseverance, safety for D. and Caleb and ultimately for God's will to be done.
Happy Valentine's Day.
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