Possibilities are endless

Well, once again it has been a few weeks since I sat down to write. Not really tons to tell. We are almost into June, which means we are almost in the month of July. July will be one year since we started this process. I remember that because we took a huge stack of paperwork with us on our family beach vacation last year. It was on that vacation that we told Amber, and then Jeff's parents that we were going to adopt! That was a fun time! We have come a long way since then. Here we sit, all paperwork, home visits, fingerprints, biographies, etc are complete, and we are just waiting. I think this period of waiting is much harder than the previous months, simply because there is nothing for me to do. Those that know me, know that I love a checklist, well, maybe several checklists. I like to add completed items to the checklist just so I have the satisfaction of crossing them off! Yeah, I know that sounds crazy. But I also know there are those of you out there that do the SAME thing! ha ha

In our binder of all things adoption, I have several lists.

People to call when we get the first call
People to call when we get the call that it is time to fly out
People to call to have them help call (think phone tree)
Packing list
List of things to be included in carry-on for plane
List of things that can be in suitcase to be checked

This has been a particularly hard week. Started out pretty exciting but has ended somewhat anticlimactic so far....I guess the week is not technically over yet. (I remain hopefully optimistic)

We usually would not be told when our profile will be shared with birthmoms, but Monday and Tuesday we received emails asking if we would consider having our profiles shown to 2 cases with special circumstances.  One is a baby girl, the other a boy. Both due within 5 days of each other. In 9 weeks. After much thought, prayer, and some research, we said yes to to showing our profiles, knowing that we would receive additional information as it became available. Last word was on Tuesday, that our profile (as well as any of the other 11 waiting families) would probably be shown by the end of the week. We have not heard anything else.

I will say, that we realize why we have been waiting. If we had received a call last year, right after we started this process, we would have said NO to both of these cases. No, that does not make us eager or mean that we are settling, it means that we have opened our eyes to the fact that not all babies are born into perfect circumstances! Not all babies have a smooth start. Sometimes there is risky behavior, sometimes proper pre-natal care is out of reach for these woman. Sometimes, it takes a family to be willing to say YES to change a life. To give a chance. To make a difference. If neither of these families choose us, hopefully they will choose another of the waiting families with our agency. That means 2 more waiting families off the list, but more importantly 2 babies will have their forever homes.

Now, more than ever we know that God is hard at work. Preparing our hearts to be ready when our baby is ready. Please continue to pray for our process, the birth moms, the agency, and us.

Thanks for reading!

In the last 20 days....

On the day after my last post, April 16th, we had several very strong, deadly tornado's leave a path of destruction across our state, including our city. It was devastating, heart breaking, hard to comprehend. All of our family members were safe and had zero damage. Several houses that belong to friends of ours have now all been torn down by the front end loaders cleaning up debris. Here is but one picture:

There was something amazing that came out of this disaster? I was able to witness and be a part of God's people working, loving, cleaning, feeding, clothing to make a difference to victims affected by these storms. We spoke to many people who said "Thank God we are alive, we can replace our things" or "It's by God's mercy that we are still here". I don't have an explanation as to why natural disasters occur. I do know that in those times, God's people showed up big time and I will never forgot the things I saw during those days. Please continue to pray for all those affected.

In the last 20 days.....

We also celebrated Easter! Beautiful "Son"rise service, beautiful weather, awesome family time, and of course lots of good eats. Praying that Baby Clayton will be home to celebrate next Easter with us.

In the last 20 days....

We took our first ever family camping trip. And we SURVIVED! Actually, we did better than just survive, we had a great time! 2 nights, in a camper (got upgraded from a tent, best decision ever!!), on a Bay, with great friends, lots of little kids, and the greatest family ever.

In the last 20 days.....

I have become friends with a couple of ladies that have worked with the same agency we are working with. One is currently matched and is waiting for their precious baby to be born, (Hi Briana), the other has already received their blessing and have been enjoying their sweet boy for a little while now. (Hi Britanni). These ladies are extraordinary and have provided us with great insight. Please continue to pray for these adoptive Mom's, the birth families, and these little ones.

In the last 20 days....

We received 3 beautiful originals of our completed, approved Home Study!! Yay! So excited to have those precious gems in our hands! We immediately sent one of the originals to TX to be held in our file. Usually, agencies do not show your profile until you are homestudy approved, but our agency has been showing ours for nearly 2 months now. We could have been matched, but we would not have been able to take placement of the baby until we were home study approved. But, that situation did not come up and we have not been matched yet. We are still waiting for the day that we have been matched. "The Call" that will change our lives. Which is funny, because we feel that we have been "called" to be adoptive parents.

I will admit, it is harder for me to patient than it is for Jeff. At least on the outside. Oh, I really really try to be patient!! But the longing to hold this child is sometimes so much to bear. I know God's timing is perfect, I know we will receive the call sooner than later, I know we have come so far, and I KNOW without a doubt that when we bring baby home all of this wait will be completely worth it.

We have also talked about our birth mom allot recently. No, we don't know her yet, but we hope to have some sort of relationship with her. Whatever her comfort level. It hurts so bad knowing that our adoption, truly one of the most exciting times in our life can not occur without the heartache and suffering from baby's first Mom. There is no way for us to bring precious baby home, to fulfill this dream, without her going home with empty arms. We can only be thankful that she chose life and that she loved him/her enough to choose us, or any family. We can only pray that God's mercy and grace will be enough for her.

Tomorrow we celebrate Mother's Day. I have an amazing Mom. She is a great friend, listener, counselor, teacher, hugger, etc. She is really and truly awesome. I also have an incredible mother-in-law. I am so very blessed. I know that these two women would do anything for us. I cherish every bit of time we have together.

I also get to celebrate Mother's Day as a step-mom to my sweet Amber. When I said "I Do" to her sweet dad nearly 4 years ago, I vowed to love her as my own. I have always loved her. We don't always see eye to eye on everything, but I am pretty sure that's normal. And there was some definite transition when she came to live with us full time before our one year wedding anniversary. But I would not change a thing. Except, for maybe one thing. She longs to call me Mom. But she is not allowed. She slips up occasionally and calls me Mom because it is a natural thing to do, as I am the "mom figure" on a daily basis. It hurts that she feels guilty when she says it because she knows her Mom doesn't approve and has said she is adamant that Ams not call me Mom. We have tried to come up with different alternatives - "Mamma K", "Kiki", etc, but nothing sticks. It will be really interesting when our baby starts talking and calling me Momma, a name I have longed to hear for a lifetime.

Thank you for reading, for your continued prayers and encouragement. Can't wait to have some great news to share!!

Mass quantities of Spaghetti and more waiting

"When lifted against the backdrop of our own standards, thoughts, and expectations, the road God chooses for us is often not the road we might expect. He often chooses a wilderness journey for us to give us an opportunity to experience Him in a way we might miss in a place of ease and convenience." 

I really really need to learn to get out of God's way. I try to plan all things. I continue to pray that my steps are directed by God and not by me.

With that being said, let's update on the adoption front. My amazing Sunday School class hosted a spaghetti dinner for our adoption fund. WOW! We are so blessed. We got together on a Tuesday night and set up tables, silverware, etc then on Wednesday my classmates cooked, served, cleaned, AMAZED. We served 211 plates of spaghetti and raised $1839!!! Can you believe it?? These funds will go directly to legal fees, birthmom expenses, and being ready when we get the call!! Here are some pictures...

                                              Stack of adoption shirts ready to sell

                                         Friends working hard to prepare salads for To-go dinners!

                                         Tables are ready for the masses! And boy did they show!

Thank you so much to our awesome family and friends who are so loving and caring and want to help us. Thank you Lord for putting these people in our lives. I know they are just as excited as we are.

Our profile has been "live" for over a month now on the agency website and the hard copy profiles they have in the office. We won't know if we have been shown to expectant moms or not. In a way, I would love to know because then we would know for sure that there was progression, but in reality it is probably best that we don't know because we would start to question "What's wrong with us, they looked at our profile but no one chose us". So we continue to wait. I admit, patience has never been one of strongest virtues, so this has been a real test for me. Jeff continues to be even kilter, calm, easy going man that I adore. Who consistently reassures me that we have done all we can do and we have to continue to trust that we will be chosen soon.

Please continue to pray that God's will be done, pray for the birth parents, agency, case workers, and all parties involved.

We can't wait for the day when we get to announce that we have been chosen!! Until then....

Fingerprints, tiny onesies, and baskets galore

Found this on another adoption blog I follow and I loved it! "Adoption is very messy. It is beautiful and full of God, but it’s not simple or tidy. There is lots of stuff to sort through and many miracles must take place every time adoption happens. It’s such a beautiful picture of the way God has adopted us. Our adoption as sons and daughters in God’s family is messy, too. It involves repentance and brokenness and usually some tears. But in the end, this way that God has provided through Jesus, this way back to him after things were messed up by sin, brings a perfect reconciliation of broken things in our lives and our relationship with him. Just as adoption is a perfect reconciliation of physical brokenness: a husband and wife who are broken because they can't conceive, and a child born without a whole family. It all comes together to create a new, whole, un-broken family. Two broken things made whole, for the glory of God. God adopting us – children who sinned and messed up his perfect original plan – is the ultimate reconciliation of what was broken in the Garden of Eden. It all comes full circle in some crazy, mysterious way.I think that those who are touched by adoption will agree that it is a miraculous and blessed thing to be a part of, one that changes you and opens your eyes; one that leaves you forever imprinted with the image of God and the whisper of his love in your life.Our God is the God of miracles, and I am so blessed to be adopted into His eternal, victorious family!"
Awesome right??

So our profile has been "live" for a couple of weeks now. We have no idea if our profile has been shown to any families yet, but we are hopeful that our call will come anyday. Yesterday was an antsy day for me. Not sure why, just waited for the phone to ring. I probably looked at my cell phone a million and one times. Not to mention scoured the adoption angels website at the 6 waiting families to see if any had been matched yet. It's not that their "competition" so to speak, but it is interesting to read their profiles and look at their photos. I try really hard to not compare our profile to theirs. Continue to trust that God has our baby picked out and there is absolutely nothing else we can do to our profile to make a family like us, make her want to pick us. So we wait. We did receive word from TX that they had received our fingerprint cards and will be sending directly to NC ASAP which is great. Most agencies won't show your profile until your background and prints are cleared. But our awesome agency started showing us a couple of weeks ago before our prints were received.

Last week we were overwhelmed by kindness and generosity, again. I work with some amazing folks and they so generously created 15 beautiful gift baskets of various themes: beach, garden, cooking, baby, etc. They then sold raffle tickets for one week. I had the great honor of pulling the winning ticket for each of the fifteen baskets. (My Mom won a great basket complete with a giant giraffe which will be great in the nursery, this was not RIGGED!) All of the raffle proceeds went to our adoption fund. They raised $1040.00!!! Isn't that incredible??? I tried to say a few words to practice for Spaghetti dinner next week, and I couldn't hold it together. Tears everywhere. I don't think I was the only one though. :)

Bought 2 tiny onesies today. We have collected a few little things (non gender specific) to take with us when we journey across state lines. My fave so far is a yellow zippered sleeper that says: I love Mommy. Ahh I LOVE it!



Thank you everyone for your continued prayers, generosity, kind words, and for being our cheerleaders!!

We made it on the big screen...

Have I mentioned lately that I am thoroughly impressed with our agency?? Since we made the first phone call to them in the beginning of February, things have really moved at lightening speed. (Compared to how things had previously been moving..) God has really moved things right along for us!! In just a few short weeks, we have completed all our paperwork, received our official waiting family letter, and today our online profile was published on the agency website!!! This is HUGE!! So huge, that when I was scrolling down the waiting family list on the website (something I do frequently), and I saw US, I was almost sick. Ha Ha I couldn't believe it! Whoo Hoo. I know they have been showing our profile for a couple of weeks now, but being listed on the website means even more birth families will be able to see us.

I can't even imagine!!! Our birth mom could be reading our profile online right now! She could be considering adoption, browsing the agency site, read our profile, and hopefully she will see our hearts. She will see our desires. We know and trust that God has already chosen the baby we are to adopt. I can't wait!!

My sweet dear friends at work made 15 beautiful baskets to be raffled off with the proceeds going to help our adoption. We can't believe how much participation there has been. I can't believe there are so many people that desire to help. I am overwhelmed and I don't know how to properly thank everyone. Our Sunday School class is hosting a spaghetti dinner for us on April 6th. I'm gonna try to speak, gonna need to pray hard to hold it together.

The nursery is coming along so beautifully. Last weekend we put the bedding on the crib and it looks fantastic. My whole adult life I have only ever purchased things for other people's babies, I can't believe that it will be our baby one day, hopefully soon.

Please continue to pray for the birth family, our agency, our social worker, and for the whole process. Thank you so much! Love - J & K XOXO

Parents in Waiting, Paper Pregnant or whatever you wanna call it!!

YAY!!! One of the most important dates in our adoption journey has finally arrived!! In the mail this evening we found a "Parents-in-Waiting" letter from our agency!!!....


Dear Mr. and Mrs. Clayton,

We would like to congratulate you on your new status as Parents in Waiting with our agency. We have found your home study to be complete and received clearance on your criminal background check. At this time, we will begin to present your profile to Birth Parents. We will also continue making contact with you throughout the adoption process to ensure we have all required documents in place.

When selected (I love that it say WHEN and not IF), a committment packet will be mailed to you containin all the birth parent information, including all available information that we have gathered (Birth Parent profiles, medical records, photos, info on siblings of unborn child, etc) You will have five days to review the birth family information, ask questions, and talk with your family before you make your decision.

Another section read: This will probably prove to be the most trying and difficult time of your adoption. You have worked hard to get this far and now all you can do is wait. :)


WOOO HOOOOOOOOO When we ripped the letter open at 9pm in our dark front yard, squinting to read the print, I screamed! A loud, squeal of joy! So excited to be Paper Pregnant!! I received an email from a good friend yesterday filled with encouragement. She closed the letter with a specific prayer for begging for some kind of confirmation to ease my mind - an email, a phone call, or a letter to show things were progressing. Today, we received this great news. Thank you Lord for always sending things at the right time and reminding us that you have everything in your control.

Braxton Hicks (again), Lemon Parfait, and a Test of Endurance

Well....it has been an interesting couple of days. I've hesitated in sharing this but decided I would although names will be changed and vague details will be given. If you remember back in October I wrote about a Braxton Hicks of Adoption instance that occurred when we were made aware of a potential independent adoption situation. Well, it happened again!! A friend contacted me yesterday with some crazy news. She knew of a situation a few months ago (unbeknownst to us) where a woman was pregnant, already had a couple of children, and she was considering adoption for this baby. My friend contacted her and told her that she had a friend (us) that were trying to adopt and if she chose that route she could introduce us. She didn't hear anymore more out of her until Sunday night when the mother called her from the labor/delivery room sobbing that she wanted to place the baby girl for adoption and she wanted to meet us!!! (We still did not know this was going on) However, the boyfriend (bio father) is adamant about not placing the baby for adoption. Here in lies the problem....this makes for a legal risk situation. It's her right, he could contest, etc. Also, the woman's mom has stepped up and said she would help support the baby if she chose to keep her. It was an exciting little while. But mostly it makes me sad knowing there is a baby girl lying 5 miles down the road whose family is fighting over her. One wants to give her the kind of life that she admittedly is unable to provide, the other not allowing her that chance. Pray for this whole family as they need peace and healing, and strength. We have not heard anything else. We told our friend that we would speak with her if she wanted to. But we really don't feel like this is supposed to be our baby.

This posed a very interesting question though. Are we still interested in an independent adoption? The answer is possibly. Depends on the situation. We are working with Texas, we are deep in their process, but we will have to consider all opportunities as they arise. Who knew this would happen again??? I am so thankful for that friend who thought of us, who prayed for us, and was willing to help in any way.

So..continuing on....we have painted the nursery a delicious Lemon Parfait! It is beautiful!! We also repainted all the molding and trim a lovely white. It looks so fresh and clean! Next, my friend Lora will begin on the Noah's Ark mural. Can't wait to see the zebras, giraffes, monkeys, oh my! The crib bedding came in today too, and I almost broke down. It is precious. Never in my life did I think I would be purchasing baby items for us. But here we are, still no match, but preparing as though baby will be here tomorrow! Crazy I know!

We stood in line today for over an hour waiting to get fingerprinted. We had to leave before we made it through the line because I was already way over on my lunch break, but the kind guy said we could come back on Thursday and he would move us to the front of the line. Yay, for kind people. You would not find that kind of service at the DMV! ha ha "Back of the line"!!!

Next week our amazing Sunday school class is hosting a spaghetti supper for us with the proceeds going to the adoption fund. We are overwhelmed. We don't know how to thank people enough. I would love to be able to stand up pour my heart out to all in attendance, but I know I will be reduced to a blubbering idiot. No one wants to see that before they dig in to their spaghetti. I am not one of those pretty criers, nope, I'm the red eyed, puffy lips, snot nosed, snorter who gets choked up easily and words fail to flow. Hmm, people might attend just for show. ha ha Gonna have to pray big time.

I'm getting tired of the race. I know there will be a happy ending to this journey (yes, I'm that optimistic), but the last few days I have really been exhausted. For months we have been working so hard to prepare, plan, process, and push things to happen. And I don't regret it at all!! But maybe I will feel differently when the fingerprints are finished and the background check is in so the HS can be finalized. Then we really won't have anything to do in the process except wait. Oh, more waiting. haha We are hopeful that when we are officially official with no red tape in the way that we will be matched quickly.

Thank you for the prayers, texts and msgs of encouragement, and for following our journey. We could not do this without you all.